Nanny Etiquette: 17 Things Parents Should and Shouldn't Do

Unless cleaning—or cleaning as it relates to your children—was part of the deal when you hired your nanny, asking them to Swiffer or do other chores isn't part of their work scope. Handling children is already a big job. “With one family, I did plenty of housework for the kids already, like washing the baby’s laundry and the toddler’s towels,” says the nanny. “But when the dad would snarkily remark that the TV stand needed dusting, that was annoying.”

Yes, fighting (and conflict) are totally normal in long-term relationships. I get it. But, weirdly enough, your home is your nanny's workplace. So try to keep things professional by not fighting with your partner in the common space, like the kitchen or family room, and go bicker quietly upstairs.

It's really important that you support your nanny's decisions because it reinforces respect and consistency in your home. Yes, you have the final word when it comes to your home and your family, but constantly undermining your nanny's authority in front of the children can have real-life implications--your kids stop listening to them!

The nanny I interviewed for this story found she was often caring for her employer's two kids, plus the neighbors’ kids who would come over for almost daily, hours-long playdates. That’s double the feeding, soothing and, yep, wiping she had to do, gratis. Extra work should be compensated, period.

Be punctual and inform your nanny in advance if you’ll be late. Respecting their time shows appreciation for their commitment to your most valued resource—your kids! As much as your nanny might love the job, being late and showing that you don't care about their lives outside of work is a big ole' red flag.

Like I mentioned earlier, does this job include light housework? Cooking? Meal prep? Pet care? Clearly outline duties and expectations from the start and regularly check in to ensure everything is on track so that you can adjust and make sure you and your nanny are on the same page.

“I was close with the mom I worked for, so I didn’t really mind when her laundry started showing up in the kids’ hamper,” says our nanny. “But washing her husband's underwear was just gross. I was like, really?" Yeah, it's just kinda weird. Again, this one ladders back up to clear expectations.

Things, especially with young kids, change. When you first hire a nanny, you may need them to be OK soothing an infant to sleep all day. Blink and suddenly you need help manning carpools. For this reason, maintain open lines of communication and share any changes in routines or schedules so you can troubleshoot together.

Yes, this includes things like emergency contact information. But it also means making sure your nanny has all the necessary supplies and resources to perform their duties effectively, whether that's a stroller with a enough storage capacity to be out all day or a bento-box to keep snacks organized.

What tops the nanny’s list of gripes? “Telling me you're going to be home at a certain time and then coming home late when you were clearly at happy hour.” Do your best to stick to the plan, and if you’re going to be more than five minutes late, send a text.

Regularly acknowledge and appreciate their hard work. Simple gestures can go a long way in boosting morale whether that's verbally saying "Thank you," or whether it's buying them the occasional lunch or holiday gift or even offering a day off.

“Once, during a terrible blizzard—ice, rain, sleet, all that crazy stuff—my boss asked me to come in,” recalls our nanny. Remember that your childcare provider is a human. If you’re asking her to do something you couldn’t or wouldn’t do yourself, it’s probably too much.

Remember: You are the boss in this situation. You hired this person. So trust their expertise and avoid micromanaging and allow them to handle situations using their professional judgment. If you're not comfortable with that, maybe you hired the wrong person.

When it comes to domestic workers, the line can get fuzzy. A lot people think of their kids' caregivers as family, and understandably! But it's still a job for them, and there's a power dynamic. So while it's great to have a friendly relationship, remember to respect professional boundaries to avoid any discomfort.

“A mom I worked for would give me a long list of groceries to shop for every week,” says the nanny. “Then she would wait until Friday to reimburse me, along with my pay. I felt too awkward bringing it up, but I was basically loaning them all of my money for their groceries every week.” Your employee shouldn't have to foot the bill to have a job--even if you intend on paying her back. Give your nanny a slush fund or a credit card to use instead of assuming they have the means to pay up front.

Like any workplace, it's best that if any issues arise, to address them promptly and respectfully. Constructive feedback helps maintain a positive environment. And this goes for receiving criticism as well.

No matter how much time your sitter spends with the kids, you should be the primary liaison with their educators. “One couple would send me in to school for parent-teacher conferences,” our nanny told us. “And their son's teachers would lecture me about his behavioral problems. It really crossed the line from professional to personal.”

I'm not OSHA over here, but I do have to say: Provide a safe and supportive working environment, free from unnecessary hazards or stressful situations.

• let them stand in their decision-making authority as much as possible
• pay attention to how your children interact with your nanny and make sure they're being respectful
• provide schedules ahead of time and avoid last-minute changes
• pay them on time (it's a job!)
• keep some of their favorite snacks and foods on hand
• introduce them by name when family and friends come over
• check in and ask them how the job is going for them