Why Does My Dog Interrupt Me & My S.O. During Sex? I Asked Cesar Millan

I became a walking cliché of “who rescued who” by fostering then adopting a rescue dog during the California fires, and falling deeply in love with spunky and hilarious chihuahua mix Chester. Except—Chester isn’t a fan of my showering affection on my significant other, and even though we all live together, the minute things get romantic between my lover and I, Chester starts barking, snarling and forcing his little potato body between us.

Not. Hot.

So I asked PureWow’s go-to no-nonsense dog whisperer Cesar Millan, host of Cesar Millan: Better Human Better Dog on Disney+ and representative for the new Halo Collar 4, for advice.

Every time my SO and I start kissing or hugging, my usually lovable lap dog Chester starts whining and barking. He wedges his 9-pound potato body between us and sometimes even bares his teeth. At first it was cute but now it’s a real mood killer; plus, he seems genuinely distressed.

According to Millan, I needed to better establish myself as pack leader so that my dog will feel comfortable with what’s going on in the space that I invited him in. He suggested the following behaviors:

• Go back to the basics: “The basic rule is you are leading the dog, so you learn how to lead the dog properly, so the dog sees you as the boss," Millan says. I’ve begun training the dog to walk beside me instead of pulling ahead during daily walks. Too, I’ve started a “one-two-three, look at me” dog walking pace, where every three steps I pause to offer a treat once my dog meets my gaze. Both those behaviors have sent messages to my dog that I’m the leader of the pack, and that he can focus on me for safety and direction, instead of scanning the horizon fearfully.
• Institute Doggie Social Distance: “Ask the dog to wait outside your intimate space. So the dog is invited when the dog shows calm surrender versus when the dog is excited. So it's like what people call social distance. To help with this, remove any kind of the dog’s ownership from where you are—it can be toys, can be food, can be furniture. The dog has to learn to practice distance,” Millan says. I took my dog’s toys off the bed and have instituted times when I restrict my dog from entering my bedroom, even when I’m not using the bed for intimate time.
• Invite Dog in When He’s ‘Calm Surrendered’: “Until now, you’ve done what most people do, which is not paying attention to your dog’s state of mind,” Millan says. “I obviously, I date, right? So imagine that I am in the same situation that you are in, so you know my significant other would have been bitten by now. But because I lead the pack, I then tell the pack when to come into my intimate space, and then the pack knows that I claim the environment, that I claim the family and that I claim the activity.” Millan suggests that I allow dog to come into my bed when and if he exhibits a relaxed, surrendered state. “Dogs see it as a mating ritual, so it needs to be done with respect, and stay away from the circle. Just claim your circle.”

My overall general plan included mindfully walking Chester, getting him used to social distancing in another room and on the floor when I was in bed just hanging and then finally folding a small blanket to identify as “his space” on my bed. The first few times I tried restricting my dog to another room, he really wasn’t having it, and he barked.

“Just remember that when a dog is being told to do something, and especially if they don't know how to do it yet, this sounds like whining and crying and all of that stuff. These are ways to manipulate the human to give in, right now!” Millan explains. I put on headphones and practiced enforcing the limit for ten minutes then 15, and finally Chester quieted down.  Next I practiced restricting him to a folded blanket at the foot of the bed, and rewarded him treats when he stayed there.

After a month of these small interventions, Chester seems pretty chill with hanging out in the other room or on the foot of the bed when my boyfriend and I are up to our own mating ritual (as Millan jokingly called it). No word yet on any boyfriend jealousy after sex, when I am lavishing praise and a doggie treat on my chihuahua for being “such a good boy.”