63 Funny Graduation Quotes for the Class of 2024 (Because They Could Use a Laugh)

Grab that diploma and run!

By Stephanie Sengwe

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Published May 7, 2024

Additional reporting by

Delia Curtis

Sarah Stiefvater

skynesher/Getty Images

Graduating is an exciting—and stressful—time. You’re moving on to a completely new chapter in your life! And for the class of 2024, that’s a big deal. After all, this cohort spent years navigating a global pandemic, riding the waves of uncertainty in lockdown and euphoria when restrictions lifted. They've had to deal with distance learning, remote internships, canceled study abroad plans and the seemingly endless stream of video calls, not to mention an uncertain economic outlook and job market. Class of 2024, you’ve survived a lot. Now it’s time to dive into adulthood, which is terrifying, thrilling, frustrating and fun in equal measure. (Because yes, you’re going to have to pay taxes yourself.)

But sometimes a little humor (and a special gift, wink wink) can help combat those, “Oh my god, everything is changing. Ahhhh!” feelings. Check out these funny graduation quotes from the likes of Amy Poehler, Ellen DeGeneres and Cardi B that are sure to lighten the mood. Write them in a card, read them at a graduation party or send them to that one friend who really needs it right about now. And then, queue up some songs and get the party started. It’s the first day of the rest of your (adult) life.

funny-graduation-quotes: “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” — Muhammad Ali

1. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” — Muhammad Ali

funny-graduation-quotes: “You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.” — Andy Samberg

2. “You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.” — Andy Samberg

funny-graduation-quotes: “If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” — William Lyon Phelps

3. “If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” — William Lyon Phelps

funny-graduation-quotes: “Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.” — Ellen DeGeneres

4. “Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.” — Ellen DeGeneres

funny-graduation-quotes: “My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda

5. “My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda

funny-graduation-quotes: “So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” — Ed Helms

6. “So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.” — Ed Helms

funny-graduation-quotes: “As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.” — Will Ferrell

7. “As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.” — Will Ferrell

funny-graduation-quotes: “A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” — Theodore Roosevelt

8.“A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” — Theodore Roosevelt

funny-graduation-quotes: “Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.” — John Green

9. “Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.” — John Green

funny-graduation-quotes: “Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.” — Will Durant

10. “Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.” — Will Durant

funny-graduation-quotes: “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” — Robert Orben

11. “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” — Robert Orben

funny-graduation-quotes: “Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.” — Neil Gaiman

12. “Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.” — Neil Gaiman

funny-graduation-quotes: “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.” — Garry Trudeau

13. “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.” — Garry Trudeau

funny-graduation-quotes: “Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.” — Napoleon Hill

14. “Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.” — Napoleon Hill

funny-graduation-quotes: “When I was your age, we didn’t have the internet in our pants. We didn’t even have the internet not in our pants. That’s how bad it was.” — Richard Costolo

15. “When I was your age, we didn’t have the internet in our pants. We didn’t even have the internet not in our pants. That’s how bad it was.” — Richard Costolo

funny-graduation-quotes: “The Lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.” — Ann Landers

16. “The Lord gave us two ends: one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.” — Ann Landers

funny-graduation-quotes: “I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” — Fred Allen

17. “I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” — Fred Allen

funny-graduation-quotes: “Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces. People’s faces will tell you amazing things.” — Amy Poehler

18. “Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people’s faces. People’s faces will tell you amazing things.” — Amy Poehler

funny-graduation-quotes: “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain

19. “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain

funny-graduation-quotes: “Each year at graduation, I am obliged to offer a few ‘brief remarks,’ which are usually not as brief as they should be.” — James E. Ryan

20. “Each year at graduation, I am obliged to offer a few ‘brief remarks,’ which are usually not as brief as they should be.” — James E. Ryan

funny-graduation-quotes: “Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger

21. “Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger

funny-graduation-quotes: “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle

22. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle

funny-graduation-quotes: “Remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books are judged by their cover.” — Patricia Akins

23. “Remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books are judged by their cover.” — Patricia Akins

funny-graduation-quotes: “To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.” — George W. Bush

24. “To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.” — George W. Bush

funny-graduation-quotes: “The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.” — Jon Stewart

25. “The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.” — Jon Stewart

funny-graduation-quotes: “My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.” — Norm Crosby

26. “My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.” — Norm Crosby

funny-graduation-quotes: “The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin

27. “The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin

funny-graduation-quotes: “Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: The freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.” —Lawrence Lowell

28. “Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: The freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.” —Lawrence Lowell

funny-graduation-quotes: “At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.” — Greg Tamblyn

29. “At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.” — Greg Tamblyn

funny-graduation-quotes: “The only place where success comes before work is the dictionary.” — Vidal Sassoon

30. “The only place where success comes before work is the dictionary.” — Vidal Sassoon

funny-graduation-quotes: “If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.” — Robert Goheen

31. “If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.” — Robert Goheen

funny-graduation-quotes: “We don't stop going to school when we graduate.” — Carol Burnett

32. “We don't stop going to school when we graduate.” — Carol Burnett

funny-graduation-quotes: “I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today.” — George Foreman

33. “I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today.” — George Foreman

34. “So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.” — Bill Watterson

funny-graduation-quotes: “The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.” — Doug Larson

35. “The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.” — Doug Larson

funny-graduation-quotes: “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” — Bette Reese

36. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.” — Bette Reese

funny-graduation-quotes: “You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.” — Benjamin Franklin

37. “You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.” — Benjamin Franklin

funny-graduation-quotes: “The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.” — Russell Baker

38. “The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.” — Russell Baker

funny-graduation-quotes: “I mean we all fly. Once you leave the ground, you fly. Some people fly longer than others.” — Michael Jordan

39. “I mean we all fly. Once you leave the ground, you fly. Some people fly longer than others.” — Michael Jordan

funny-graduation-quotes: “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

40. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

funny-graduation-quotes: “Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.” — Stephen Colbert

41. “Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.” — Stephen Colbert

funny-graduation-quotes: “Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.” — Erma Bombeck

42. “Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.” — Erma Bombeck

funny-graduation-quotes: “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers

43. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers

funny-graduation-quotes: “Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.” — Gary Bolding

44. “Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.” — Gary Bolding

funny-graduation-quotes: “Don’t take life too seriously. No one makes it out alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

45. “Don’t take life too seriously. No one makes it out alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

funny-graduation-quotes: “Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.” — Mark A. Cooper

46. “Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.” — Mark A. Cooper

funny-graduation-quotes: “If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.” — Harry Banks

47. “If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.” — Harry Banks

funny-graduation-quotes: “I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, ‘cause the customer is always right.” — Mitch Hedberg

48. “I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, ‘cause the customer is always right.” — Mitch Hedberg

funny-graduation-quotes: “Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.” —Seth McFarlane

49. “Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.” —Seth McFarlane

funny graduation quotes: “Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” — Thomas Dewar“Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” — Thomas Dewar

50. “Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” — Thomas Dewar

funny graduation quotes: “I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” — Jim Carrey“I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” — Jim Carrey

51. “I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” — Jim Carrey

funny graduation quotes: “You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.” — Tom & Ray Magliozzi“You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.” — Tom & Ray Magliozzi

52. “You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.” — Tom & Ray Magliozzi

funny-graduation-quotes: “There may be days when you’ll say to yourself, ‘I can’t. I literally can’t even.’ But you can! You can even!” —Katie Couric

53. “There may be days when you’ll say to yourself, ‘I can’t. I literally can’t even.’ But you can! You can even!” — Katie Couric

funny graduation quotes: “Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.” — Melanie White

54. “Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.” — Melanie White

funny-graduation-quotes: “When things go wrong, don’t go with them.” — Elvis Presley

55. “When things go wrong, don’t go with them.” — Elvis Presley

funny-graduation-quotes: “Your [Penn] education has given you a two-by-four. You may build a building or hit someone over the head. The choice is yours.” — Jodie Foster

56. “Your [Penn] education has given you a two-by-four. You may build a building or hit someone over the head. The choice is yours.” — Jodie Foster

funny-graduation-quotes: “If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” — W.C. Fields

57. “If, at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” — W.C. Fields

funny-graduation-quotes: “Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.” — T.S. Eliot

58. “Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.” — T.S. Eliot

funny-graduation-quotes: “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” — Fran Lebowitz

59. “In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.” — Fran Lebowitz

funny-graduation-quotes: “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ― Norman Wisdom

60. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ― Norman Wisdom

funny-graduation-quotes: “When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

61. “When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

funny-graduation-quotes: “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” — Tina Fey

62. “Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.” — Tina Fey

funny-graduation-quotes: “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

63. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

Stephanie Sengwe

Resident Hufflepuff, Beyonce historian, self-proclaimed tea sommelier

Steph is a native of Zimbabwe who is both enamored and genuinely baffled by the concept of silent letters. From 2020 to 2022, she served as Associate Editor at PureWow covering SEO content. That includes anything from finding the best lightweight foundations and compiling an expansive list of the best dog costumes to giving you a thorough breakdown on how to clean your sponge.

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Delia Curtis

Assistant Editor

Covers beauty, fashion, news, entertainment, travel, wellness, money and LGBTQ+ culture
Has worked in media for the last eight years and has held positions at Boston Magazine, Boston Common Magazine and Northshore Magazine
Graduated from Emerson College in 2019 with a degree in Writing, Literature and Publishing with a minor in Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies

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