As a mom of a nine-year-old girl who wants to be (read: thinks she is) nineteen, I am all too familiar with the parenting struggle of setting fair and reasonable limits on a child’s access to technology and social media. I also know that once one of your kid’s peers starts strutting around with a smartphone in hand, your own kid will ask you for one every. single. day. So should kids have cellphones and, if so, at what age? I turned to an expert for a breakdown of the pros and cons, plus some sensible advice on how you can mitigate the latter should you choose to give your child a phone.
Should Kids Have Cell Phones? An Expert Weighs In
Necessity is king, but proceed with caution
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Published Dec 10, 2024
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Meet the Expert
Jennifer Kelman is a mental health expert on JustAnswer, where she has provided online support to those in need since 2012. In addition to her work on JustAnswer, Kelman has been a licensed clinical social worker for more than 30 years and maintains a private practice specializing in relationships, parenting, and children’s mental health issues. She is also a children’s book author and has lectured extensively and appeared on news and television programs across the country.
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1. Communication
The main pro of kids having cell phones, at least from a parent’s perspective, is that it provides them with a way to communicate with their caretaker(s) once they start gaining more independence. Of course, every child is different, but there does typically come a time when self-dismissal from school is on the table, extracurricular activities no longer require your attendance and freedoms like walking oneself over to a friend’s house or staying home alone might enter the picture. To put it plainly, cell phones are useful for “any situation outside of the school day when kids are without their parents and might need to get in touch,” says Kelman.
2. Safety
Indeed, both parents and children alike can get some much-needed peace of mind from knowing there’s a cell phone present that will allow the unaccompanied child to reach out to a trusted adult or contact emergency services should anything go wrong.
3. Tracking
It’s also worth noting that most modern phones provide parents with the ability to track the device’s location—you know, in case you want to verify that your rebellious teen is actually at the movies like they said. (Not that your little Johnny or Suzy would ever lie to you or miss curfew and make you worry.)
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The pitfalls of allowing kids to have free access to technology are well-documented. As such, the expert agrees that the decision to give cell phones to children shouldn’t be taken lightly, namely because of two chief concerns: screen addiction and sextortion.
1. Screen Addiction
Screen use increases dopamine, thus activating the brain’s reward center and reinforcing a child’s desire to revisit the activity again and again…and again. This is what’s going on when we talk about screen addiction in youth (and adults, for that matter), and Kelman tells me that it’s a problem she sees a whole lot of in her practice, with more and more children spending fewer hours engaged in meaningful, face-to-face interactions. “A lot of parents I work with come to me telling me that they’re concerned about their child losing interest in regular activities that once brought them joy. They’re lethargic, less interested in socializing with peers and entirely absorbed with social media, apps and games that are played on screens,” says Kelman. To avoid this scenario, it’s important to figure out concrete rules that you can enforce with parental controls before you hand your kid a cell phone; Indeed, Kelman warns that “when it comes to screen time, back peddling is nearly impossible.”
2. Cyberbullying
Remember the days when getting bullied meant getting stuffed in a locker? In the modern era, it’s done via group chat and app—and the scariest part is that adults often have no way of knowing if it’s going on. According to the Pew Research Center, 45% of teens ages 13 to 17 report having experienced some form of cyberbullying, whether that’s offensive name calling or the spreading of false rumors. Of course, being the only kid in school without a phone can pose its own social problems, but it only stands to reason that the longer you delay cell phone ownership, the less likely they are to either perpetrate or become the victim of digital harassment.
3. Sextortion
Another major concern that parents should have on their radar is the considerable increase in sextortion. Sextortion refers to cases in which minors are lured, threatened or otherwise coerced into sending sexually explicit images of themselves—and the predatory crimes are happening on a wide variety of apps, games and social media platforms where kids have the opportunity to chat with other users, oftentimes ones they do not know.
Per Kelman, “The more free access that kids have, the more likely it is that someone they don't know will contact them. And kids are impressionable…so they're playing, say, Fortnite or Roblox and they think they're chatting with, you know, little Susie in Indiana, but it’s really big Jimmy. The child might say things like ugh, my parents are the worst and that’s how the conversation starts. Then the kid gets roped in and before you know it they’re being groomed.”
So does giving your kid a cell phone mean they’re going to be the next blurred face that appears on To Catch a Predator? No…but it’s certainly a possibility if parents don’t take certain safety measures and enforce them seriously. (But more on that below.)
When it comes to cell phone safety, Kelman advises that parents ease their children into the privilege by choosing a phone that can grow with the child. In other words, you don’t need to feel pressured to buy your 10-year-old the latest iPhone with all the bells and whistles. Some devices are easier to monitor than others and if you simply want your child to have access to a basic mode of communication, there are plenty of options. For example, both my seven-year-old and nine-year-old have TickTalk smartwatches that allow them to text only me, their dad and my fiancé when they’re connected to WiFi, but don’t allow them app or internet access. (In our custody-sharing situation, we found this to be a helpful way to allow the kids freedom to reach out whenever they’re missing the other parent.)
Kelman also recommends the Pinwheel phone—a smartphone that looks and acts just like a regular Android, but is remotely controlled by the parents so they can toggle on or off access to any and all of the (thoroughly vetted) apps available to the child, and even create a custom schedule for how and when the phone is used. This particular option also allows parents to give their child more cell phone freedom gradually as they get older and more responsible.
So, Should Kids Be Allowed to Have Cell Phones?
There’s no cut-and-dry answer here. “It’s not a one-size-fits-all topic,” says Kelman, adding that “it’s not like giving a kid a cell phone is always bad, but that also doesn’t mean that all kids should have them. You just have to know your child and let that guide your choice, as well as the specific rules you set for how they use it.” In other words, there’s nothing wrong with giving your kid a phone, but make sure you’ve considered all the factors first, or as Kelman puts it “don’t just give one quickly and freely because your kid’s pressuring you about it.”
At What Age Should Kids Have Cell Phones?
Again, there’s no right or wrong age—namely because this decision is very specific to the individual child and the needs of the family. That said, Kelman tells me that she is “all about the delay,” which is to say that there’s no need to rush to give your kid a cell phone until you actually see the value in them having one. (And for what it’s worth, I’ve joined the growing “wait until 8th” movement as I don’t really see much sense in giving my kids phones until they’re at least 13 years old.)
How Can I Keep My Child Safe Online?
I touched on this already, but the key to keeping your child safe online is to have clear-cut guidelines for their interactions with technology, an easy way to enforce those rules (i.e., parental controls) and frequent conversations about the potential risks to their safety, too. After all, at some point we all have to trust our children to use their judgment and make responsible decisions…but that doesn’t mean you should hand them the keys to the car and expect them to know how to drive right away.
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