Long-term relationships are hard. You start off in the honeymoon phase, but after enough years pass, things are bound to get stale unless you put in a little work. For example, if being around your SO doesn’t feel all that different from having another piece of furniture in the room, it’s definitely time to put some effort into striking up a meaningful conversation. And we’re not the only ones who think so—the topic of “questions for couples to reconnect” has been growing in popularity, with Pinterest Predicts reporting that interest is up by a whopping 480 percent. Fortunately, we got the full scoop on the best questions for couples to reconnect, so you’re not going in blind.
30 Questions For Couples to Reconnect and Bring Back That Spark
According to a relationship expert
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Published Mar 2, 2024
Meet the Expert
Mason Farmani is an intuitive personal and corporate life coach and founder of Farmani Coaching who works one-on-one with clients to be a transformational guide who keeps them focused on their commitments, being honest with themselves, and reconnecting with their hearts. He has a degree in industrial psychology from UCLA, has studied trauma healing and neuroscience, and has undergone intensive, internationally-recognized training with Landmark Worldwide.
What Kinds of Questions Help Couples Reconnect?
Curiosity is the spice of life and they key to reigniting the spark in a relationship…but what kind of questions will really put you on the path to reconnection? The answer to this isn’t cut-and-dry, because timing with regard to your partner’s current mood is a critical factor (i.e., don’t ask them about childhood trauma when they just accidentally burned dinner).
That said, Farmani tells us that the best reconnecting questions generally fall into four categories:
- Questions about their past that help you learn about their formative experiences.
- Questions about the present that uncover their interests, beliefs and personality traits.
- Questions about the relationship that foster intimacy and a deeper understanding of one another’s needs.
- Questions about the future that help couples find a shared vision.
Still not sure where to start? We have 30 expert-approved questions to help you break the ice and strengthen the bond.
Questions About the Past
1. What is your best childhood memory, and what significance does it hold for you?
Farmani tells us (and experience confirms) that sharing childhood memories allows couples to get better insight into who their partner was growing up and, by extension, who they are today.
2. What was the most disappointing aspect of your childhood?
See above. Also, listen quietly and put empathy into practice. (We hear it does wonders for relationships.)
3. If you could relive one day of your life, which day would it be and why?
“By exploring the chosen day and its significance, partners gain insights into each other's values, aspirations, and cherished memories,” says Farmani. And that’s a recipe for feel-good bonding.
4. What was the best vacation or trip you've ever taken, and what made it memorable for you?
Again, the intention here is to tap into memorable and exciting experiences, because doing so “can help couples learn more about one another’s values and preferences.”
5. What are some of the challenges you've faced, and what did you learn from them?
Per Farmani, “this question encourages couples to engage in meaningful dialogue [and creates] an atmosphere of vulnerability and support.” Plus, it’s easier to see a partner’s shortcomings when you’re viewing them from a narrow perspective; allow your SO to share their personal journey (or remind you of it) and you might just see how much they’ve grown since before you ever even knew them.
6. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
Get your SO to relive an embarrassing memory and you’ll both get to share a laugh together, which builds intimacy and lightens the mood. The only catch? You better reciprocate.
7. What’s your biggest regret?
Here, another question that might stir up some big feelings. It’s worth it, though, because this one is all about vulnerability and trust—just make sure you’re both in a frame of mind to be completely supportive and comforting to one another.
Questions About the Present
8. What is one skill or hobby you've always wanted to learn?
Things getting stale? Make them feel brand new by discussing desired skills or hobbies. “It will help you learn more about each other and uncover hidden facets of each other's personalities,” says Farmani.
9. How does spirituality or faith influence your life?
Per the expert, “discussing spirituality or faith allows partners to explore their shared values, beliefs and principles, which in turn provides an opportunity to deepen their understanding of each other's core convictions.” We’re getting soulmate vibes.
10. How do you handle stress or difficult situations?
By discussing how each partner copes with stress or difficult situations, couples can gain valuable insight into each other's emotional intelligence, responses and coping mechanisms.
11. What is your favorite way to relax and unwind?
You may love to kick back with a reality show and a glass of wine, while your partner’s idea of relaxation may look more like a hike out in nature. By discussing your favorite ways to relax, you’ll learn about each other's preferences and individual needs for self-care.
12. What is your favorite way to spend a rainy day?
“Discussing favorite rainy day activities allows partners to explore common interests,” says Farmani. “By sharing their favorite pastimes, couples can discover new activities to enjoy together, fostering a sense of connection and shared experiences.”
13. What’s a movie or book that has had a big impact on you?
Yet another way to learn more about your partner’s core values and perspective.
14. What’s a subject you’d like to learn more about?
Similar to number nine, and also a possible way to discover a shared interest (and research project).
15. What do you think your biggest weakness is?
You guessed it—this one is another exercise in vulnerability and trust that’s best reciprocated.
16. Which of your physical features do you like the most?
Here, a feel-good confidence-boosting question that helps both parties see each other in a positive, loving way.
Questions About the Relationship
17. Can you describe a time when you felt truly appreciated or loved by me?
By asking this question, partners acknowledge the importance of expressing love and appreciation in the relationship,” says Farmani, adding that, specifically, it “provides an opportunity for one partner to validate the efforts and gestures of the other, fostering a sense of recognition and gratitude within the relationship.” Needless to say, taking your partner for granted is one of the major barriers to a loving connection, so both partners might want to get in the habit of asking this one on repeat.
18. What is your favorite thing about yourself, and how can I support you in celebrating it?
A question that prompts partners to reflect on their favorite aspects of themselves encourages self-awareness and self-appreciation, says the expert. And we’re guessing the positive vibes are contagious.
19. What is a small gesture that always makes you feel loved and cared for by a partner?
“This allows couples to understand and appreciate the unique ways in which they express and receive love.” (As in, what’s your love language?)
20. What is your favorite thing about our relationship?
It’s important for couples to take stock from time to time and this question allows them to do that with an emphasis on the positive features of their dynamic.
21. In what areas do you think our relationship could improve?
Once again taking stock, but this time with a focus on problem areas so that both partners can walk away with a better understanding of each other’s fundamental needs in the relationship.
22. What’s your favorite memory from our time together?
There’s nothing like a little nostalgia to bring back that loving feeling. Bonus points if you follow up by looking through old photos together.
23. What do you enjoy most between the sheets?
Let’s talk about sex, baby. This question is a prelude to a…kiss?
24. What can I do to make your life easier?
This is the question that pretty much every human wants to be asked, so it doesn’t need much explanation. For couples, showing that you care about your partner’s needs will put you on the path to reconnection.
25. What makes you feel sexy?
A bit like number 23 but more subtle and with the added benefit of encouraging your partner to feel good and confident in their own skin.
Questions About the Future
26. What are your thoughts on starting a family, and how do you envision parenthood?
This one’s a whopper, but Farmani explains why it’s a good idea to dive right in. “Conversations about starting a family often involve sharing deeply personal hopes, fears, and dreams. This level of vulnerability creates a safe space to express feelings and concerns, strengthening emotional connection and trust.” Plus, if having or not having kids is a dealbreaker for either of you, the sooner you find out, the better.
27. If you could travel anywhere in the world together, where would you want to go?
The explanation for this question is pretty simple—namely that it helps couples learn more about each other's interests and preferences. It’s also a fun way to start feeling excited about sharing an experience in the future.
28. What is your biggest wish for our relationship in the next five years?
Farmani tells us that discussing wishes for the relationship encourages partners to align their goals and aspirations, so they can formulate a shared vision.
29.What are the top three things on your bucket list?
This question helps one partner understand the other’s individual interests and dreams, while providing an opportunity to support and encourage them.
3o. What do you most want to be remembered for when you die?
Asking your partner about their legacy will tell you a lot about their core values. What better way to reconnect than by understanding where your partner finds the most meaning in life?
