Save Your Marriage by Communicating Like a Dog, Says Cesar Milan

Dogs may not speak our language, but anyone who lives with a canine knows that they are communication experts, empaths, in fact. Having a rough day? Bruna comes and cuddles up next to you. Hesitant about an approaching stranger? Dexter’s two steps ahead of you, ever alert. Dogs are pack animals. Communication is key for their evolutionary survival. For that reason, it’s no real surprise that according to renowned dog behaviorist and co-founder of the Halo Collar, Cesar Milan, we humans have a lot to learn from them, especially when it comes to marriage. So, how can communicating like a dog save your marriage? Whether it’s clearer conversations, reading the room or living in the moment, Milan argues that adopting canine-inspired habits could transform how we relate to our partners.

“Dogs know what they want, and there is no hesitation,” Milan explains. Unlike humans, who may get bogged down by overthinking, emotional roadblocks, or toxic patterns like passive aggressive dances, dogs deliver their needs and feelings with clarity. For humans, this means being direct with your partner about your feelings and needs. A study published in The Journal of Family Communication supports this, noting that clarity and directness in communication significantly reduce misunderstandings and conflict in relationships.

Instead of: “I’ll eat anything I guess.”
Try: “I’d like to order Thai tonight; I’m sending you the menu.”

Milan emphasizes that dogs use the “right energy” to communicate effectively and de-escalate situations. And though energy can be a loaded word somewhere between “aura” and “vibes,” there’s science to back it up: A study conducted at the University of Pisa observed that certain physical communications such as head-turning, lip-licking and turning away helped de-escalate aggression in 79 percent of interactions, particularly when dealing with unfamiliar dogs. These actions demonstrate that calm and intentional non-verbal cues can significantly reduce conflict and foster harmonious relationships, whether among dogs or humans​. 

Instead of: approaching your partner about the empty wiper fluid situation with crossed arms and a furrowed brow
Try: giving them a hug and then reminding him it was his errand to take care of.

Living as a pack teaches dogs loyalty, leadership and unconditional love—qualities Milan says are vital in marriage. Taking inspiration from the pack mentality means that couples need to remember the importance of teamwork and shared goals. Yes, you and your beau are individuals, but this whole marriage thing is a team sport. According to the Gottman Institute, led by the renowned Dr. John and Julie Gottman for their work on marital stability, rituals and shared meaning are essential for emotional connection and unity. Activities like regular shared meals or small gestures of affection, such as making coffee for your partner, reinforce the idea of operating as a cohesive unit, strengthening the bond between partners​.

Instead of: checking on each other’s schedules before flying out the door in the morning
Try: keeping a shared Google calendar so that you can plan days, weeks and months as a unit.

Dogs are masters at reading the energy and spirit of a person, often with uncanny precision. Milan suggests that humans take a page from their pets’ book by assessing their partner’s mood or needs before making assumptions. Taking inventory of each other’s emotions is something emotionally intelligent couples practice says Talkspace therapist Dr. Amy Cirbus, LMHC, LPC. She continues: “Emotional intelligence in a couple is when each person in the relationship is doing the work to be aware of their own emotions, emotional reactions and responses and is able to communicate their experience to their partner in a productive way.” It’s about being intentionally tapped into your spouse’s energy.

Instead of: assuming your spouse is feeling one way or another
Try: taking a beat to read their body language and get the temperature of the room.