Wondering What to Text After a Breakup? Here Are 16 Suggestions

Relationships can be the greatest happiness machine in the world, but they carry with them the risk of loss and pain. Like the lottery, you can’t win if you don’t play, but sometimes it’s nice to have a little help navigating your losses…like, what do you text after a breakup? First, assess your situation—which of two camps are you? 1) You’ve survived a breakup, taken a bit of time to honor the no-contact rule and now want to text your ex, or 2) it’s your friend’s breakup, and they could use some support from you since they’re experiencing feelings of loss, loneliness and anxiety, it’s hard to know just want to say. Each situation has appropriate texts, and I’ve synthesized suggestions from psychologists, friends and spiritual programs to come up with some prompts you can use to contact your ex or support a pal. Because the relationship did happen, it’s not happening now, and the sooner we can all accept, normalize and deal with the big feelings, the better we will all feel. (Yes, even you, the one broken up with.)

Let’s say things have cooled down and you’re in the right headspace to reestablish contact as friends or just to say a friendly hello. Here are some ideas—the aim here is to be casual, upbeat and not flirty.

1. Hi! I was just thinking about you and wanted to say thank you for our time together.
2. Hoping you’re doing well, just wanted to reach out and say hi.
3. Hi it’s me, how are you doing? I was just thinking of you and wanted to say hi!
4. Hey there, I just read that author we liked has a new book, have you read it? They make me think of you, love their story.
5. What’s up? How are you? I just wanted to say hi!
6. Happy [insert holiday here], I hope all is well.

7. Hi! Remember that cool restaurant with the noodles we went to [or other place]? Do you remember the name. That was so fun.
8. Hi! Hope you’re well, I think of you fondly often. I was wondering if I can call to ask a work question?
9. Hello hello…do you have a quick sec for me to text you about a home maintenance question?

10. Greetings, are you good? I thought of you for a job, can I tell you more (PS this is not a bot)

• Just…don’t.

If your friend confided in you that they are going through a breakup, or if you heard it through the grapevine, it’s on you to reach out, even though this effort may seem awkward. Your job is to radiate support without judgment, suggestions (but only when asked) and offer your listening ears if needed. When you text someone going through a breakup, avoid interrogating them for details, urging them to date again immediately or sharing your personal opinion of their ex-partner. Instead, let your friend know you are thinking of them, and want them to know you’re there as a support. Below, some scripted prompts that might help.

11. I wanted to say I’m thinking of you and sending a big hug
12. Do I need to send a hit squad to anyone’s home for you? Say the word. (This joke only works if you are not affiliated with organized crime.) 
13. Hey, we haven’t talked for a while, can I call you later?
14. I’m here for you if and when you need someone to listen.
15. I’m sorry it’s such a tough time. I’m thinking of you. Call me whenever.
16. I’m Team [Their Name] and anything I can do for you, boss, I’m there.

If you’ve started communicating with someone going through a breakup and think it could be helpful, try starting a group chat in which a handful of participants share a 10-item gratitude list daily or a few times a week. That way, instead of only concentrating on feeling lonely or angry, your friend will have access to others reframing lives that are sometimes Suck City into Sunny Average Days, just by posting super-simple items like “have a job,” “fall leaves” and “parents are healthy.”