'Floodlighting' Is Gen Z’s Latest Dating Trend—But It Could Sabotage Your First Date

When it comes to dating, Gen Z have a lot going on. They're contra-dating one minute, then Tarzaning the next, all while trying to navigate the murky waters of situationships. And now, a new Gen Z dating trend has entered the chat—and she's toxic. Introducing: floodlighting.

Coined by psychologist Brené Brown, the term 'floodlighting' refers to people sharing deeply personal information too soon in a relationship, often in an attempt to speed up intimacy. (Think of it as putting your relationship under a harsh spotlight—even when the relationship isn't ready for all that attention.)

Remember when your date told you all about the painful memory of his parents' divorce and how he's been in therapy for years because of it—all before the appetizers had even arrived? Yeah, that's floodlighting. Or what about that time you sat down for a blind date and opened up with, "So how many kids do you want?" before launching into your list of preferred names. Oops, floodlighting strikes again.

While sharing personal and emotional details about yourself may seem like you're just being open and vulnerable with someone, it's pretty overwhelming and can actually push people away, say experts. “It involves sharing a lot of personal details all at once—to test the waters, speed up intimacy or see if the other person can ‘handle’ these parts of you,” Jessica Alderson, the co-founder of the dating app So Syncd, told Glamour magazine.

As Brown writes in The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage: “A lot of times we share too much information as a way to protect us from vulnerability...We just engage in a behavior that confirms our fear.”

Take the example above—while it may seem like your date is being vulnerable with you about his parents' divorce, he's likely sharing this information with you so early on because he's worried about how it might affect his relationship with you. By putting it all out there, he may be subconsciously trying to gauge your reaction and see if you can handle his emotional baggage. Which is kind of a lot to ask of someone who you've just met!

So, the next time you're tempted to spill your entire life story over drinks, take a deep breath and remember: A little mystery can be sexy—and possibly the key to a second date.