The Infidelity Poll: 60 Women on Cheating, Being Cheated On and What Happened Next

Admit it—when we’re not busy obsessing about our own relationships, we’re thinking about everybody else’s. And nothing gets us gossiping more than when somebody cheats. (See the recent #Scandovalfor proof.)  

We know that cheating happens, but finding accurate data on exactly how commonplace it is is difficult, partly because not everyone defines infidelity the same way and also because, well, the goal is to not get caught after all. And so, we took it upon ourselves to do some research to learn about infidelity—who’s doing it, did they get caught and what happened next? 

In a highly unscientific study, we polled over 60 people (anonymously, of course) to find out about their cheating history. And sure, that may be a small sample size, but what we learned speaks volumes. Here are our findings:

(Editor’s note: For clarity, we have referred to those who said they had cheated as “cheaters,” but we understand that infidelity is complicated and that every circumstance is different. We’re here to report the facts, not judge.)

Are you being unfaithful if you send a winky face emoji to a colleague? What about if you meet up for drinks, just the two of you? When it comes to the definition of infidelity, for the most part, our respondents were aligned. Over 80 percent of respondents said that having sex with someone other than your partner, kissing, sending nudes and sending other suggestive messages online were considered acts of cheating. Slightly less unanimous was whether forming an intense emotional attachment to another person other than your partner was considered cheating (73 percent of respondents said yes). And when it comes to flirting, only 21 percent of those surveyed considered flirting with another person cheating. 

In some maybe good news, most people (67 percent) we surveyed have not cheated on their partner. A significant number of respondents, however, did in fact report that they had cheated on their partner (33 percent). 

Considering that the majority of people surveyed said they had never cheated on a partner, we were expecting that most respondents would also say that they had not been cheated on. However, it turns out that the majority (53 percent) of those surveyed have been cheated on. Ouch.

If you think that cheating occurs at the start of the relationship or after the seven year itch, think again. The majority (41 percent) of those surveyed who confessed to cheating had been with their partner for 2 to 5 years. This was followed by those who had been together for less than a year (23 percent). Fourteen percent said they had been together 5 to 10 years, while an equal number of respondents who cheated told us they had been with their partners for less than 6 months and less than 1 month (9 percent). The smallest portion of those who cheated (5 percent) were those who had been with their partners for over 10 years.

When it comes to relationship status, the majority (81 percent) of respondents who said they had cheated were not married at the time, although 14 percent reported being married with no kids and 5 percent were married with kids.

If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that you will get caught. Our survey confirms this, with the majority of respondents (38 percent) telling us that they did, in fact, get caught cheating. A third of those surveyed, however, said that they were never found out and 28 percent said they weren’t sure if their partner found out or not.

As for how they got caught, unsurprisingly most of those surveyed revealed that their partner had found evidence on their phone. (It’s a cliché for a reason, people.)

Cheating doesn’t necessarily have to be a death sentence for a relationship. While most (63 percent) of those who cheated reported that they did not stay together with their partners afterwards, 37 percent said they did. 

Relationship duration was a little different when we looked at the “been cheated on” group, but fairly similar to the “cheaters” group. Here, we see that the majority (31 percent) of those who reported being cheated on had been with their partner for less than 1 year and 2 to 5 years. The smallest portion of those who had been cheated on (6 percent) were those who had been with their partners for over 10 years and less than 1 month.

The majority (80 percent) of respondents who had been cheated on were not married at the time, although 10 percent reported being married with no kids and 10 percent were married with kids.

A large number (69 percent) of those who had been cheated on reported that they did not stay together with their partners afterwards, whereas 31 percent said they did. 

Looking at the numbers was fascinating. But even more interesting was what the figures couldn’t tell us. In our survey, we left space for respondents to tell us about the status of their relationship when the cheating occurred, whether or not they were caught off guard and how it affected them afterwards. The takeaway? Cheating is…complicated.