5 Things to Know Before Dating a Scorpio

As an astrologer, the top question I get from friends and clients is, “Should I go on a date with XYZ sign?” That is to say, I get this question about most of the signs, but there are two that everyone seems too shy to ask about. You might be able to guess which two signs these are. Hint: it’s the two signs whose reputations precede them. Gemini and Scorpio. Even though everyone thinks they know what’s up with these signs, the public opinion is decidedly negative for reasons I’ve spent years trying to figure out.

So let’s say you just found out your upcoming date was born between October 23 and November 22 and you’re panicking, I’m here to let you know that your assumptions are probably wrong. What’s it really like to get intimate with the fixed water sign? If you want the honest opinion of a professional astrologer, here’s everything you need to know before dating a Scorpio.

Jaime Wright pens moon missives, an ever-evolving astrology writing project that began in 2016. For almost a decade, she has given astrology consultations online and in person in Brooklyn where she fields many questions about dating and romance. She also writes a weekly and monthly horoscope column for PureWow, hosts the good fortune! podcast, and is the house astrologer for Jovian, and Errands.

Many like to paint Scorpios as the world’s biggest enigmas, but there’s actually no sign who’s more blunt about their feelings. Ruled by Mars—the planet of direct action—Scorpios go after what they want, and they’re interested in winning, not in playing games. Small talk is also a Scorpio’s worst nightmare, so don’t be surprised if they open conversation on the first date by cutting straight to the deep stuff. Keeping things light with them is never a good sign. So, if you’re talking about the weather or what’s on TV, don’t expect a second date.

Though Scorpios tend to be more laid back or introverted in one-on-one situations, they can’t help but draw attention in public. Scorpios are natural leaders, instantly charming everyone they meet with their irresistible charisma. Despite this, they tend to downplay their work or career aspirations when you’re first getting to know them. Eventually you find out that they’re not only the boss at their day job, but they’re also running a few successful startup businesses on the side. “It was a joke at first, but it really caught on!” a Scorpio might say of their wildly popular Etsy shop or restaurant review app. Once you finally get the details on their career, it’s very important to support a Scorpio in all of their endeavors. Though they can be shy about asking for recognition, Scorpios love knowing they’ve made you proud.

No one does intimacy and vulnerability like a Scorpio. Though the sign is often conflated with transformation, Scorpios are actually obsessed with keeping up a steady, reliable routine. Scorpios want nothing more than to be a devoted, loyal partner and once they’re settled, it takes a lot for them to change their ways. Scorpios express their partnership needs through their opposite sign of Taurus, craving comfort, languorous days in bed and plenty of snacks to keep them satisfied. They also tend to stick to what they know (at first) in the bedroom, but are open to lots of experimentation with the right partner. This need for stability can also get in Scorpio’s way, allowing them to stay in relationships that are well past their expiration date because they’d rather not disturb the peace.

As mentioned, Scorpios are incredibly ambitious and tend to take on leadership roles wherever they go. They also have a very intense work ethic. Your Scorpio lover might have a bad habit of overscheduling themselves. On a typical day, they’re running straight from an overtime shift at work to picking up a friend at the airport. That said, when it’s time to unwind, no one can party like a Scorpio. Think: Teenage Dream era Katy Perry music videos as the ideal setting for a Scorpio night out (makes sense Perry’s a Scorpio!). If you’re less of a party animal (looking at you Taurus and Virgo who both really hit it off with Scorpios), one of your biggest relationship challenges might be finding more of a work/life balance rather than burning the candle at both ends.

Though Scorpios wear their heart on their sleeve, they don’t have an enigmatic reputation for no reason. With Libra being the sign that sits on their twelfth house (the unconscious part of the chart), Scorpios like to keep some of their Venusian pleasures to themselves. Once you two get closer, you might discover your Scorpio lover has a secret Real Housewives ritual, cooks gourmet meals from scratch in their spare time or has a pristine vintage record collection. It’s less that they were keeping this from you and more that they sometimes forget where their passion ends and they begin. “Oh, I thought you already knew that!” a Scorpio will say.

Now that you know more about who Scorpio really is. Here are some other common questions you might be too afraid to ask about dating a Scorpio.

Scorpios value loyalty and consistency over everything. The fixed water sign craves comfort and familiarity in their closest relationships and wants a partner who is an open book with nothing to hide. Never down to play games, Scorpios are actually much simpler than public opinion would like to paint them. They want a partner to treat like royalty and to be treated like royalty in return. As long as all these royal acts can be done from the comfort of pajamas on the couch.

Loyal to a fault, Scorpios are very forgiving, especially in the early dating stages. That being said, the worst thing you can do when dating a Scorpio is go heavy on the romance to start and then cool off when things get routine. Scorpios run on passion and even if things cool down in the bedroom, they need someone who will write them sweet love notes, plan dreamy trips and keep the spark alive. Do not take Scorpio's love for granted!

Scorpios favorite signs to date are Taurus and Pisces. If it’s not these signs, it’s people who are committed and comforting like Taurus, or imaginative and adventurous like Pisces. Scorpios are intense and they enjoy being with someone who can cut their sour with a touch of sweet. That being said, I also know quite a few Scorpio-Scorpio power couples, and some “so weird, it just works” Scorpio-Gemini couples. I think as the two most misunderstood signs, Scorpio and Gemini really get along.

Because Scorpio’s fifth house of sex and romance is Pisces, they enjoy quite a bit of fantasy in the bedroom. Scorpios want to be taken on a journey. Tell them a sexy story or plan a dreamy trip. Scorpios are less turned on by lavish gifts and much more into shared experiences. This goes for grounded, earthy experiences like spa days, massages and home cooked meals, as well as more expansive experiences like concerts, dance parties or risky adventures. Free idea: Hot air balloon ride.