There Are 3 Types of ‘Picky’ Eaters. Which is Your Kid?

Have you ever noticed that your kid’s favorite foods are all beige? Bread, crackers, PB&J, pasta or bagels with butter and (breaded) chicken nuggets? If so, you may worry that they’re missing out on vital nutrients, but as long as you are offering balanced meals, you can likely let this go.

“Kids are intuitive eaters,” says Stasenko. “In reality, most kids, even picky eaters, get more protein than they need.” Also, “not eating vegetables is rarely a nutritional problem, although it is considered the biggest issue for many families.” Preferring sweeter flavors, she adds, “is developmentally appropriate.” Kids are drawn to carbs because they are comfortable—and comforting. From a behavioral standpoint, it’s important to know your kid isn’t being stubborn if he refuses to try sushi. He’s following a biological imperative. “Kids are hardwired to like sweets because they are highly exposed to sweet flavors at a very early age—amniotic fluid and breast milk,” explains Castle. “Sweets aren’t a ‘learned’ taste like bitter, sour or umami flavors.” Liking adult food takes years of practice.

To help them expand their horizons, exposure is key. “We can’t make our kids eat what we want them to eat,” says Castle. “We can only provide lots of opportunities for them to eat nutritious foods, of their own will.” So if your kid refuses fruits, veggies, fish or meat, still offer them frequently. It may take 15 tries before a child will even taste new food.

While it’s painful to see a meal you spent time and money preparing insulted (or worse, thrown on the floor), don’t give up. You could also consider changing the way you present it next time. For instance, if your kids run screaming from pad thai, they may be more open to “deconstructed” pad thai—noodles, chicken and peanuts served separately but on the same plate. Kids don’t always like it when their foods are mixed together. (No, it’s not just your kid.)

Goldfish. Pirate’s Booty. String cheese. Pureed fruit pouches. Our playground posse pretty much lives on these packaged staples, but when they’re actually at the table, they barely eat.

Here’s the deal: “Kids are not born snackers,” notes Stasenko. “They just prefer more palatable and easy-to-like food—understandably so. The issue is that they get fun and easy foods at snack time and see more challenging and boring foods like meat, veggies and whole grains at mealtimes. So it’s hardly surprising that they choose snacks.”

The solution? Up the nutritional integrity of your snacks. Just because your kid is eating on the go, in a car seat or on the bleachers at a sibling’s sports game, it doesn’t mean she has to eat vending machine snacks. “If you can, think of snacks as mini meals,” says Stein Feltman. “Use them as an opportunity to get in those key nutrients like protein and fiber.”

Crudités with guacamole or hummus, an apple with cheese or peanut butter, half a sandwich and soup—there’s no law that says you need to offer “snack food” at snack time. Another aha moment? Learning that snacks aren’t the enemy. In fact, kids need to snack. Their stomachs are smaller than ours, thus they require smaller portions at more frequent intervals than adults. Still, experts say you should aim to keep the 90 minutes before every meal snack-free. Kids do need to come to the table relatively hungry in order to be willing to taste what you serve.

Does your kid eat a steady rotation of the same four items (hello, nuggets, my old friend)? If so, it’s because children are driven by their desire for two things: flavor and familiarity. “Kids can get hooked on certain foods,” says Castle. “This is called a food jag.” And while it’s totally typical, “parents do well by continuing to offer variety and not falling into the trap of only serving what will be eaten.” That doesn’t mean you can’t serve what your kids like; you just have to mix it up as well. “If children have one or two foods they like included in a family meal, alongside some less-liked or newer foods, their preferences are accounted for and they get the important exposure to variety and balance,” says Stasenko.

If a nutrient is missing from your child’s diet—say she has an aversion to meat or fish or vegetables—try to fill in that gap with other foods that provide the same value. For example, the protein in yogurt is comparable to that of eggs. Omega 3–rich flax seeds are a possible fish alternative. 

Adds Stein Feltman: “Parents worry a lot about leafy green vegetables, but fruits and vegetables have a lot of the same vitamins.” A good rule, she says, is to aim for a colorful plate. If they’ll eat red foods (say, strawberries but not bell peppers), you’re probably OK. Another great tip for helping kids break out of a rut? Serve the same food but in a new shape or color, or with a new ingredient. Offer bow-tie pasta, colored ziti or fettuccine made from almond flour instead of spaghetti. Stein Feltman’s kids take “No Thank You Bites” or “Brave Tastes,” meaning they are encouraged to put a new food on their tongue but are welcome to spit it out into a napkin if they don’t like it (only try this at home).

Then again, you know your kid best. If even this will incite protest, skip it. The long-term focus, says Stasenko, “should be on fostering a good relationship with food instead of micromanaging every bite.”