It was one thing when your infant’s chubby little fingers stroked your bosom while you were nursing, but now that your kid has entered toddlerhood and still wants to get handsy with your chest, it’s getting weird (not to mention painful!). So how do you stop your toddler from grabbing your boobs? I chatted with child and family therapist Dr. Fran Walfish about why this is happening and what to do about it.
How to Stop Your Toddler from Grabbing Your Boobs, According to a Therapist
It’s all about boundaries
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Published Aug 6, 2024
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Meet the expert
Dr. Fran Walfish is a leading child, couples, family, relationship, and sex psychotherapist and author in Beverly Hills, CA. In addition to her private practice, Dr. Walfish was on clinical staff in the Department of Child Psychiatry at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center for 15 years. She was also a school psychologist and has contributed to numerous media outlets, including CNN, ABC and NBC. Dr. Fran is the author of The Self-Aware Parent: Resolving Conflict and Building A Better Bond with Your Child.
First, Know That Boob-Grabbing Is Very Common
Look, toddlers are known for their weird behavior (you know, like drinking bathwater or shoving peas up their nose). But just because it’s weird, doesn’t mean it’s not normal. Same goes for wanting to fondle your breasts. “It’s hard to say exactly why [toddlers engage] in this behavior, but rest assured that it’s actually very common (and nothing to panic about),” Dr. Walfish explains.
Recently Weaned Toddlers and Breast Grabbing
While it may be difficult to discern the exact reason why your toddler is getting all up in your bosom, it’s a behavior that is especially common for children who have recently weaned from breastfeeding. “Children who have recently weaned from breastfeeding will often grab at breasts out of habit. They also do this when they have learned to associate mommy’s breasts with comfort and self-soothing,” explains Dr. Walfish.
Other possible reasons for the behavior? Your toddler sees that it gets a big reaction out of you and, well, they think that’s kind of fun. “And yet another possible explanation is that your toddler is just plain curious or might like the way your breasts feel!” says the expert.
Setting Boundaries
Ultimately the reason why your toddler is grabbing your boobs matters less than the fact that you want the behavior to stop. So, how do you do that? Set clear boundaries, says Dr. Walfsih. “Tell your child that she touched mommy’s breasts already and knows what they feel like, and now that she’s growing up there is no more touching of private body parts—in public or in private. You can do this while gently lifting her hand away from your breast. She may protest but stay firm (in an empathetic way, of course).”
Effective Transitional Objects for Comfort
Another way to curb the behavior is to give your child a transitional object. “For some, this is their thumb, but it could also be a soft silky blanket, pillow, or cuddly stuffed animal,” says Dr. Walfish. “This object can help comfort your child when sleepy, anxious or frustrated. If she is not excited about any of these things, see if you can interest her in one of your old soft white T-shirts (unwashed so that it smells like mommy).”
The Bottom Line
Children often grab at breasts out of habit, curiosity, or for comfort. Dr. Walfish suggests setting clear boundaries and/or offering a transitional object, like a soft blanket or a piece of your clothing, to help stop the behavior. Bottom line: This behavior won’t last forever, but you can help curb it by communicating openly with your child and creating reasonable boundaries.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are there any long-term effects if my toddler doesn't stop this behavior immediately?
“Yes, there can be potential long-term effects if you do not set appropriate boundaries now with your toddler’s boob grabbing,” says Dr. Walfish. “The child may grow up with a fascination or obsession with touching breasts for soothing or a feel-good experience. He or she may embarrass you by doing this behavior in public at restaurants or in school. The more serious long-term effect is that you, the parent, may become challenged by other necessary boundary-setting behaviors such as: sleep time, homework deadlines, respectful talking and behavior, curfews and overall listening. To be a good parent each mom and dad must be comfortable balancing both love/nurture with boundary-setting and enforcing.”
How long does this phase typically last?
“Typically, when moms successfully set boundaries and redirect their toddler’s boob-grabbing this phase lasts a short time—days to a couple of weeks.”
How can I help my toddler stop this behavior in public?
The best way to stop this behavior in public is to consistently stop the behavior in private at home. Don’t expect your youngsters to assume they can do it at home but not out in public. The idea is this: It’s perfectly normal and fine for your child to be curious about what it feels like to touch Mommy’s breast, but now that she has done and knows what it feels like she does not need to keep repeating the behavior. One of the goals for parents during the toddler phase is to ‘socialize’ their children. Teaching your child to stop boob-grabbing is part of socializing your child along with other behaviors and expected etiquette. Just like you would stop a toddler from masturbating in public, or in the living room, you will teach your child what and where behaviors are appropriate.”
