6 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Selecting a Baby Name

A funny thing happened on the way to the hospital…we didn’t have a baby name. OK, we had three of four names picked out for our first, but up to the very last minute, we were still completely undecided. This felt stressful—and definitely not how other (seemingly much more organized) parents roll. Now, I’m due with my second and entering my third trimester and, alas, very much in the same boat. (Who cares about stocking up on diapers and setting up a bassinet when I can’t even decide if my future son deserves a French-inspired moniker or one that emulates an old man?)

That’s when I dialed an expert: Colleen Slagen, a baby name consultant and founder of Naming BeBe, whose addictive videos on Tik Tok and Instagram give context (and hope) to moms and dads sifting through the endless range of name options available. Here, she spills on the top questions to ask yourself before narrowing your list.

Per Slagen, this is the number one place to start when it comes to selecting a baby name. “There are objective aspects of naming your baby, but then there is the subjective—and that’s where style comes in,” Slagen explains. “For example, maybe you’re flipping through a baby book or brainstorming names off the top of your head—there are names that you just like and you can’t always explain the reasons behind that.” But you can use that intel to help narrow things down. “Are the names you’re gravitating toward vintage? Classic? Modern? Trendy? Do you love a surname as a first name? Are the names all from a specific region—say, do you love mostly Irish names? Those early impulses can help you spot patterns you like,” she says.

OK, whoa. We know that you’re feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of naming the baby currently in your belly. But for families considering having more than one kid, it’s worth thinking ahead a little bit to consider if there are any additional stylistic patterns you’d like to fulfill. “It can feel like a huge deal to parents to choose names that go together and create a cohesive sibling set,” Slagen says. For example, choosing names for your kids that all start with the same letter or all gender-neutral names. If that’s your intention, do you plan to continue that (and are there enough names you like to carry that through)? “I think it can be done in a cute way, but you want to be mindful that you’re not setting up a situation where, ultimately, you’ll feel a ton of pressure to continue that trend,” Slagen says. “Two names that start with the same letter is a coincidence, but three is a pattern—if you’re naming your third child, you can switch up the letter, but if it’s your fourth child, you’ve started something so likely need to finish it. Just something to think about.”

Isabella? Love. Izzy? Not so much. Nicknames are hard because—to be totally honest—it’s an area where, over the course of your kid’s life, parents have little to no control. Still, it’s something that is a top priority when it comes to naming your future child. “You want to anticipate what nicknames have the potential to come about and ask yourself: ‘Am I OK with these nicknames?’” Slagen says. “I’ve talked with people who are like, ‘No, I’ve been Madeline my entire life. Nobody calls me Maddie,’ but as much as mom and dad can enforce the full name as it was assigned in the early years, it will ultimately be up to your child to decide if they’re OK with others redefining what your kid goes by.” In other words, if you’re not OK with a potential nickname, it’s probably a good idea to pivot to something else.

This is a tough one, especially since external baby naming pressure often abounds. Slagen is clear on this one: “Name regret is something that happens—it’s come up with a couple of clients I’ve worked with,” she says. (Remember when Kylie Jenner regretted her baby’s name and ultimately had it legally changed from “Wolf” to “Aire”?) “Parents get exhausted by the baby name conversation and end up caving to something somebody else—your partner, a pushy mother-in-law—wants. Remind yourself over and over that, when it comes to the name of your baby, this is one place where it’s OK to be a little bit selfish and stand your ground.”

Before you head to the Internet for more stress testing, keep in mind: This answer to this question isn’t always possible to anticipate. A couple of examples from Slagen: The term “being a Karen” or the name Alexa, which is now the name used to signal an Amazon assistant to activate. “There’s a one in a million chance that’s going to happen to the name you choose,” Slagen says. “You can only do so much to control it.” She also references a recent experience where someone messaged her about the name Ava. “I got a DM from a parent who named her daughter Ava in 1998. When she chose it, the name wasn’t even ranked in the top 600 names for girls. Then, 1999 hit and Reese Witherspoon chose if for her daughter. Overnight, it was in the top 10.” Bottom line: You can do your due diligence here, but there are cultural things you just can’t control.

Before you finalize the name of your future child, Slagen says it can really help to make a list of your priorities and the aspects that are important to you, no matter what. “This could include things like knowing how popular the name is, considering how the name sounds with your last name or even how the name flows all together,” Slagen says. (She references Amy Schumer who famously changed her son Gene’s middle name from Attel to David after realizing it unintentionally sounded like “genital” when you said it out loud.) Another aspect parents often get caught up on is initials—something Slagen says don’t matter to her all that much. “If it’s something like S.T.D., I’d avoid it, but if the initials are E.W. or C.P.R., I think it’s fine. You don’t need to overthink it.” She adds that the main thing to keep in mind is that you can’t have it all, so the clearer you can be about what matters most to you to include, the easier it will be to decide.