Mom of 3 POV: Yes, I Have a Favorite

Dear Reader,

I’m writing to you fresh off maternity leave after welcoming my third child. In some parts of the country, having three kids might be considered fairly standard (even on the low side), but nationally speaking, I’m officially above average. In 2023, the typical U.S. family had 1.94 children under 18—so statistically, I’ve tipped the scales. But even without looking at the data, I knew this to be true because when I announced my third pregnancy to friends and family, the most common reaction was wide-eyed shock (and the assumption that it was an accident). “You’re clearly a glutton for punishment,” one parent told me. And honestly? Some days, I think they were right.

Because even with two kids, it felt like I was drowning in chaos half the time. Which brings me to my first confession: If you assume that having three kids has made me some kind of parenting expert, I’m sorry to disappoint. I’m certainly not an expert—I’m just highly experienced in the art of surviving small children (my kids are currently aged five, two and four months old). And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from parenting three babies, it’s this: Some babies are just easier than others.

*Gasp*

I know, I know. It’s not socially acceptable to suggest you have a favorite child. And before you grab your pitchforks, that’s not really what I’m saying. I love all my little rascals equally! But my third baby? By far my easiest. And that made the experience of parenting a newborn, well, a whole lot more enjoyable than the first two times.

Let me explain. When my first son was born in 2019, I was your textbook first-time mom—anxious, hyper-vigilant and constantly Googling things like “Is this poop color normal?” He was also incredibly gassy. In a moment of sheer desperation, I remember trying the Frida Windi, a contraption that can only be described as a baby shart straw; it worked once, so naturally, I bought five more packs. (They never worked again and they still take up space in my medicine cabinet.) In other words, my nerves were shot, he was fussy and my entire maternity leave disappeared in a fog of spit-up and exhaustion.

By the time my daughter arrived in 2022, I thought I had this whole baby thing down. Ha! As it turns out, the universe has quite the sense of humor. Because while my son had been a champion sleeper who practically sleep-trained himself, my daughter refused to nap. Ever. Not only that, but she screamed anytime I tried to put her down or hand her off to anyone else. (My husband has a theory that it’s because she was briefly separated from me at birth for monitoring, which hello, mom guilt!). By the time I returned to work four months later, I was running on fumes.

And then, last October, my third baby arrived like a tiny, swaddled miracle. He slept in his bassinet! He rarely cried! He ate, burped and just… chilled! I kept waiting for the other tiny, blue crocheted shoe to drop. It didn’t.

Which brings me to two big takeaways that are seemingly contradictory but somehow both true.

Firstly, when it comes to babies, you get what you get (and it’s OK to get upset). I did things mostly the same with all three of my kids, but they just came into the world wired differently. Babies—and the toddlers and big kids they become—each arrive with their own little personalities and there’s not a whole lot parents can do about that. And in my experience, the sooner you accept this fact then the less stressful child-rearing becomes. Control freaks might bristle at the thought, but there’s actually something quite freeing about it. If your baby won’t sleep, is colicky or refuses to breastfeed, remember that some things are just out of your hands.

Take my two oldest: My first needs 12 hours of sleep to function, while my second will wake up at the crack of dawn, refuse to nap and be… fine? One would eat salmon and cherry tomatoes for every meal if he could; the other survives on buttered noodles. (Incidentally, it’s my second who’s the early riser and the picky eater—stay tuned for a future column on my theory about second-born children…)

But here’s the second takeaway—while you can’t control what kind of baby you get, being more relaxed about it definitely helps. With each child, I’ve let go a little more. The things that once sent me into a panic (baby refusing to nurse, weird rash on baby’s leg, baby missing a nap…) barely register now. And honestly? That’s been a gift—not just for me, but for my kids, too.

TLDR; Babies are going to do what they’re going to do. But if you’re in the thick of new parenthood, dealing with sleepless nights and anxious days, know this: It gets easier. And not necessarily because your baby changes—but because you do.

My 2-year-old is peak toddler right now and refuses to go to bed. Here’s a trick from earlier this week that has helped her get settled and helped me leave the room—tucking her in like a burrito. For this to work, it has to include sprinkling cheese on top (tickling her), smearing sour cream on her (a little body massage) and adding spicy salsa (jiggling her around). A giggling toddler at bedtime > a screaming toddler at bedtime.