If 'Tortured Poets' Wins AOTY at the Grammys, I Will Throw Hands

On one hand, I admire that she tried to whip out her inner T.S. Elliot, but Tortured Poets felt like its own wasteland. The songs came off as whiny—as if they really were written by someone who is, literally, stuck at the age of 16. Personally, I’m put off by a 35-year-old, wildly successful, independent woman who’s still working through that teenage petulance (“Down Bad”) and childhood woes from over two decades ago.

Even Swift admits, both in Miss Americana and “But Daddy I Love Him,”:

Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.

Another example: “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys”

He was my best friend / Down at the sandlot.

And “thanK you aIMee,” a sonic f*ck you to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s doctored recording (which I fully agree was despicable), is the epitome of petty and just straight up late to the party. That was 2016. Nine years later, it just feels weird and immature, especially considering her success. With “So Long, London,” Swift plays a big victim card (not a shocker and very much her public M.O.) in writing, “And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free” as if her relationship wasn’t a mutual decision.

Then there’s just the general cringe factor of Swift, a millennial, trying a little too hard to please Gen Z ears with tracks like “loml” and “imgonnagetyouback.”

Teenage emo-mania aside, there are bigger failings that I think preclude Tortured Poets  from AOTY: 1) It didn’t innovate and 2) Felt like a rough draft. Many critics thought the album felt messy—Pitchfork used the word “sprawl” to describe the two-hour album, and as a writer, one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten is this: Brevity is clarity. At 31 tracks, The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology wasn’t brief. There wasn’t any obvious point; I was overwhelmed by the impression she just needed to air her grievances.

If Tortured Poets wins, it’ll diminish the Grammys to a groveling popularity contest, and that’s everything the Academy should be against. It will also be a write-off to the other nominees, including Chappell Roan, Sabrina Carpenter, Billie Eilish, Charli XCX and, of course, Beyoncé—all of whom had phenomenal, chart-topping years that in many cases outperformed Tortured Poets. As much as I respect Swift’s work and accomplishments, backing her for an AOTY award? All I can say is it’ll be exhausting rooting for the antihero.