What Is Autosexual? Two Sex Experts Explain

We have Kourtney Kardashian to thank for introducing the word ‘autosexual’ into our vernacular, but it was a thing well before the reality star wrote about it on her Poosh website. So what is autosexual, exactly? Read on for the full scoop from a sex therapist and an OB/GYN. (Spoiler: it’s complicated.)

Meet the Experts

• Dr. Nan Wise, PhD is a certified sex therapist, relationship specialist, neuroscience researcher, and author of Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life. She has garnered international recognition for her research that addresses gaps in the literature regarding the neural basis of human sexuality.
• Dr. Maureen Slattery is a board-certified OB/GYN with 20 years of clinical experience. She has advanced training in sex counseling and education, and is an AASECT-certified sex counselor. In addition to sexual health, her clinical practice also focuses on menopausal care. Maureen has been featured in online columns for the American Association for Retired Persons (AARP) on sexual health and aging for those over 50 (In the Mood), and  for the Rochester Regional Health’s Health Hive on using HRT during menopause.

Autosexuality is a type of sexual preference that involves being primarily attracted to oneself. Dr. Slattery tells us that “autosexuality is when you find yourself erotic, and thus might prefer having sex with yourself (i.e., masturbating) to having sex with other people.” It’s also worth noting that “all sexuality exists on a spectrum and all humans have some autosexual tendencies.”

If you’re on the far end of the autosexual spectrum, you might fantasize about yourself, exclusively enjoy self-stimulation rather than partner sex, and find that this form of pleasure is simpler than navigating the interpersonal aspects of partner sex. Still, “[some] autosexual individuals might also want to be in committed and loving relationships, and even have sex with others,” says Dr. Slattery. In other words, autosexuality isn’t a binary and can exist alongside other forms of sexuality simultaneously. As such, it’s really just a preference that can manifest in myriad ways. (And I’d be remiss not to mention that autosexuality as a sexual identity is not very well studied, so very few scientific articles can be found on the subject.)

Some autosexual individuals describe it as a form of self-love, and honestly that’s a pretty accurate description of it when taken in the context of sexuality. But does that mean that I’m autosexual because I occasionally would rather pass on penetration and masturbate before my partner gets home instead? What about the days when I think I look damn sexy and it turns me on, so I want to have partner sex? Alas, I wish I could answer these and all the other questions floating around on the subject, but at the end of the day there’s no succinct reply.

Dr. Wise speculates that autosexuality might be related to the documented “sexual recession” that we’re collectively experiencing, which itself might be a symptom of our increasing reliance on social media as a means of human connection. Again, this is just speculation, though, because autosexuality doesn’t have a concise definition at all. And while that may be confusing, the introduction of these new, poorly defined terms is actually not such a bad thing, since it’s encouraging more conversations and broadening our perspective on sex. So what’s the takeaway? The simplest definition of autosexuality applies to folks who prefer sex with themselves over partner sex; the degree to which the term applies to any given person is incredibly varied.

The widely accepted definition of asexuality applies to individuals who don't experience sexual desire or sexual attraction to themselves or others, but it turns out that this, too, exists on a spectrum. Research suggests that asexual people might still experience some sexual feelings and engage in sexual activity,or they might prefer not to have sexual relations with others but crave the intimacy that comes from hugging and cuddling. Autosexuality, on the other hand, is very much a form of eroticism, but similarly, its exact nature can’t be pinned down so easily.

So, can there be an overlap between autosexuality and asexuality? “Well, it depends on how you define the two, because what we’re talking about is really an evolving term that doesn’t have a clear definition. It’s up to the individual to figure out what they mean by the term before they can decide if they’re this or that,” says Dr. Wise. It’s also worth noting that Dr. Wise begins every one of her classes with the question “what is sex?” And, yes, there are many different ‘right’ answers to that one, too.

• Myth: Autosexuality is a form of narcissism
• Fact: Narcissism is a personality disorder that has nothing to do with autosexuality, which is a loosely defined sexual preference with no associated pathological traits. “Those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) generally have an inflated sense of self, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy,” explains Dr. Slattery—none of which are inherently applicable to autosexuality.

• Myth: If you’re autosexual, you’re very vain
• Fact: Again, the tragic tale of Narcissus from Greek mythology has nothing to do with this. You don’t have to be obsessed or in love with your physical appearance to be autosexual. You might lean towards autosexuality simply because having sex with yourself is easier or more pleasurable than partner sex, regardless of how you feel about your looks.

• Myth: Autosexual individuals don’t have romantic relationships
• Fact: Lots of autosexual individuals still feel sexual desire for others and have romantic relationships that reflect that; they might also have desire for meaningful interpersonal connection and other forms of intimacy that aren’t sexual in nature. The term autosexual just refers to people whose most intense feelings of erotic desire are towards themselves.

Supporting someone who is autosexual is really no different than supporting someone with any other sexual preference. In a healthy intimate relationship, open communication about sex is critical. “Autosexuality is a new term and just because we can’t define it doesn’t make it frivolous. In fact, isn’t it interesting that this new term is sparking meaningful conversations about sex?” says Dr. Wise. In other words, take Kourtney Kardashian up on her challenge by sitting down with your partner or your friends (or anyone really) and having an open and honest conversation about sex.

Autosexuality refers to any individual who is more turned on by themselves than by others. What this looks like in practice varies from person to person, since all forms of sexuality are fluid and exist on a spectrum. But perhaps the best answer to this question is that the term autosexuality is an opportunity for all of us to have more conversations about the complex and oh-so healthy, pleasure-giving thing we call sex.