The question still remains of why daters are doing this. Doesn’t OnlyPlans feel counterintuitive to the very purpose of dating itself? It’s basically the equivalent of that Friends episode where Chandler joins a gym, never goes and subsequently fails to cancel his membership. On one hand, the argument could be made that OnlyPlans has something to do with the cushioning trend, which provides an emotional safety net meant to shield us from the impact of dating unknowns. The simple act of virtually communicating with a potential suitor offers all of the validation—without any of the risk. Why buy the cow when you’re already getting their affection for free?
On the other hand, however, today’s digital dating market—and the infinite options that come with it—have led to a sort of paralyzing opportunity overload. The entire exploit, from matching with someone to stalking their socials to subsequently deciding you won’t like them (before you even meet), is all a result of having too many options and too much time to overthink and overanalyze. Not only are we cursed with a wealth of resources that foster rejection, but we have the luxury of staying in our comfort zones (behind the screen) as we do it. No longer do you need to go to a bar to find out your date has crappy taste in music, and gone are the days when bad cologne or a wrinkly dress shirt would be enough to send you running for the hills. Instead, you can simply make up a white lie, slap on a face mask and pretend like you’re “bored out of your mind” while dog-sitting for a Chihuahua that doesn’t exist.
Nevertheless, while OnlyPlanning is common (and not necessarily harmful), it’s worth looking at the other side of things. Sure, it’s easy to take the easy way out and spare yourself yet another painful Hinge date. But dating, in and of itself, is a numbers game—and you’re not going to meet Prince charming from your couch. So the next time you’re about to hit send on that, “so sorry but…” text, you might want to ask yourself: Am I self-sabotaging from potentially meeting someone great?
