Is the 2-2-2 Rule the Secret Formula for a Stronger Relationship?

TikTok is full of relationship advice—some of it dubious (hello, orange peel theory) and some of it, well, slightly less so (the birth order dating theory helped one PureWow editor better understand herself—and steer clear of firstborns). But for the most part, I take anything I see on social media with a grain of salt. So when I recently stumbled across the 2-2-2 rule for couples on the platform, I didn’t give it much thought. Except then I saw it again. And again (with one video garnering over 4 million views). Was this the universe’s (ahem, algorithm’s) way of telling me to re-evaluate my marriage? After all, the rule is so simple—it’s just a schedule of sorts for spending quality time together. And truth be told, with busy work days and two kids, I have been putting my relationship on the back burner lately. Perhaps the key to reconnecting with my spouse was as easy as updating our shared calendar—at least that’s according to the stream of happy couples touting the wonders of 2-2-2 on my phone (many of whom appear to be frolicking on the beach… I like the beach! That could be me!).

Intrigued, I tapped a relationship expert to find out more—how does the 2-2-2 rule work? And can it actually strengthen your relationship?

Sabrina Bendory is a dating and relationships expert at Dating.com. She publishes weekly columns on relationships for Thought Catalog and is a sought after life coach. Her best-selling book, You're Overthinking It: Find Lifelong Love By Being Your True Self, was published in 2023.

The “rule” is simple: Every two weeks, go on a date night. Every two months, go away for a weekend together. And every two years, go away for a week together.

“I think the 2-2-2 rule is wonderful,” says Bendory. “A relationship is something that needs continuous nurturing. If you don’t make time for your partner and for the relationship, that’s when you can grow apart and feel like roommates or two ships passing in the night.”

News to no one: Life gets busy. And even with the best intentions, it’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind of work, school, kids, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. and before you know it, it’s been months since you truly connected with your partner (this is especially true if you have kids, notes Bendory). As such, having a set schedule in place can be helpful. “This rule really gives you a framework to work within to make sure you are filling up each other’s love tank and really prioritizing spending time together,” the expert says. As someone who thrives on routine, I’ll admit that I love the idea of the 2-2-2 rule. It’s so organized! I could color code my calendar depending on which “2” we’re dealing with! And most importantly, it would be amazing to go away for a weekend with just my spouse every two months, something we haven’t done since we had our first child five years ago! Which brings me to…

“It is a bit rigid and just not feasible for some people,” says Bendory. “For example, if you have young children, getting away for a weekend or a full week may be impossible.” She’s not wrong—with two small kids and no family nearby, there’s nobody who would watch my little rascals for a whole weekend let alone an entire week! Sure, we have friends who could have them over for a sleepover, but these friends have multiple kids of their own, and my 2-year-old just started having nightmares pretty regularly and my son is allergic to dogs, so that limits where he can go and so on and so on. Simply put, figuring out the logistics of getting away for a whole weekend is enough of a headache to make me not want to do it.

There are also financial considerations. Vacations and getaways aren’t cheap—nor are date nights in this economy! (Although there are some great cheap date night ideas out there.)

Finally, “the 2-2-2 rule also doesn’t account for those in long-distance relationships,” adds Bendory, noting that long-distance relationships are becoming increasingly common.

The 2-2-2 rule sounds nice in theory and would likely be a highly effective way to connect with your partner, but it’s simply not realistic for most couples—myself included. But don’t chalk this one up as a silly social media fad quite yet, says Bendory. “I think the main idea is that couples need to prioritize time together. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a must to go away. You could make homemade nachos and watch a movie on the couch, and spend time cuddling and expressing appreciation for one another.” In other words, no, you don’t need to plan a bi-monthly trip upstate to go apple picking with your one-and-only in order to connect. But you should put some quality time on the joint Google calendar—even if your idea of a weekend away is streaming Under the Tuscan Sun on the couch with a pint of gelato.