36 Classic Christmas Foods, Ranked from Ho-Ho-Horrible to Fa-La-La-Fabulous

Less like cake, more like a doorstop. How this typically dry, dense "dessert" studded with candied or dried fruit and nuts became a holiday staple is beyond me. (I'll chalk it up to the booze it's occasionally soaked in.)

• Try It Anyway: Fruitcake

If you want to get technical, figgy pudding is a type of Christmas pudding (aka a steamed cake made with dried fruit, breadcrumbs and brandy or another spirit, like rum or whiskey) specifically made with figs. Regardless of what you call it, I want nothing to do with a dome-shaped dessert that doesn't ooze molten chocolate. This boiled pudding traditionally contains suet—that's raw, hard animal fat—figs and dried fruit. I'll pass.

• Try It Anyway: Figgy Christmas Pudding

It's not the most repulsive of the classic Christmas foods, but I can't afford to crack my teeth on one of the tastiest holidays of the year—too many better things to eat. It is pretty, though; maybe it'll look nice hung on the tree?

• Try It Anyway: Old-Fashioned Ribbon Candy

Listen, I have nothing against greens here and there. But raw veggies on Christmas? What is this, amateur hour? If you insist on serving something leafy and healthy though...

• Try It Anyway: Kale Salad with Persimmons, Crispy Chickpeas and Fried Shallots

Unacceptable for those between the ages of 11 months and 97 years. If you really want carrots on the menu, I'd recommend sautéing them in butter and fresh herbs to soften the blow. Try your best not to overcook them into mushy baby food.

• Try It Anyway: Sautéed Carrots

Fun fact: "Mincemeat" isn't meat at all, but a mix of dried fruits and spices. Fun fact aside, I'm not chomping at the bit to taste this British delicacy. The pastry stars are undeniably cute, though.

• Try It Anyway: Mince Pies

No, it's *not* the same as fruitcake. But I prefer my brioche without raisins and fruit peels, thank you very much. If this classic Christmas food is an annual tradition for your family, try this scaled-down rendition on for size.

• Try It Anyway: Mini Cranberry, Pistachio and Chocolate Panettone

It's cookie season, and these rock-hard treats are definitely *not* cookies. (Sorry, Italy.) Be sure to dunk them in coffee, hot cocoa or mulled cider to avoid any impromptu trips to the dentist.

• Try It Anyway: Biscochito Biscotti

Of all the holiday flavors to infuse cookies and yogurt and keto protein bars with, you chose eggnog? Nice try, supermarket. Wash 'em down with aged rum or bourbon, I guess.

• Try It Anyway: Eggnog Custard with Raspberry Jam

Why? How dare they? Who gave them the right? If you're going to put sweet spuds on the table, at least roast them so they're not so...sad and mushy. (Oh, and PSA: Yams and sweet potatoes are not the same.)

• Try It Anyway: Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Sriracha and Lime

Two things everyone should let die: this appetizer and crystal-cut bowls. The only way I'm even looking at mixed nuts on Christmas is if they're on a cheese board. If they're a staple at your place, go with the below recipe that's thoroughly spiced and herby.

• Try It Anyway: Roasted Mixed Nuts

Sure, it's basically just chocolate spongecake, but it's not doing itself any favors with that name. I can support the vanilla version below, but spending three hours on dessert with so many other to-dos on your list might be an unnecessary chore.

• Try It Anyway: Raspberry White Chocolate Bûche de Noël

Unless it's bark-ified, they're more of a decorative obligation than anything. Many families consider candy canes an essential stocking stuffer, but you may reconsider once you're picking the crushed remnants out of your carpet until New Year's Eve.

• Try It Anyway: Homemade Candy Canes

This controversial vegetable is only as tasty as its preparation. Seared in bacon fat? Sure. Boiled and sprinkled with nothing but salt? No, thanks. I'm partial to halving and cooking them flat-side down in a smoking hot cast iron skillet for caramelization and crunch, but you can also cook them on a sheet pan so you have one less thing to babysit before Christmas dinner.

• Try It Anyway: Smashed Brussels Sprouts

If you ask me, this classic Christmas food is the most polarizing of all the proteins. I'm gonna give this sweet meat a solid ehhh. If it's the only thing the kids' table will eat though, I understand keeping it on the menu.

• Try It Anyway: Spicy Orange-Honey Glazed Ham

Festive, but an acquired taste. Granted it kinda doesn't feel like it's officially Christmas until you nurse a glass of this custardy bev. I'll give credit where credit is due: Turning it into a holiday cocktail with your choice of liquor helps.

• Try It Anyway: Classic Eggnog

As far as traditional Christmas foods go, these are satisfactory, but way overplayed (albeit adorable). Might I suggest adding hair and chic outfits to each cookie person? The naked-with-buttons look is a little old school.

• Try It Anyway: Gingerbread Cookies

Fair pick, but a little redundant so soon after Thanksgiving. If your family considers it a nonnegotiable, prepare a breast instead of a whole bird, as long as you aren't serving a massive crowd. (You can only eat so many leftover turkey sandwiches, right?)

• Try It Anyway: Slow Cooker Turkey Breast with Orange and Herbs

Again, it's a bit redundant after Turkey Day...but it does improve arguably bland poultry by a mile. Scarf some down while you and your relatives argue over calling it stuffing or dressing. (FYI, according to most dictionaries, stuffing is stuffed in the cavity of a turkey and cooked, while dressing is a general term for a type of seasoning or sauce that goes with food. Some sources say they're the same thing, but stuffing is cooked in the bird and dressing is not.)

• Try It Anyway: Mushroom and Sausage Sourdough Stuffing

Hot take: The canned kind is better than homemade. There, I said it. But I'm still not sure if I *really* love cranberry sauce or just the nostalgia of it. An indented slab of gelatinous fruit kind of takes the wind out of an Insta-worthy plate, no?

• Try It Anyway: Ocean Spray Jellied Cranberry Sauce

Oops, I ate the doorknob. And the shingles. And there goes the green-and-red chimney. Don't put too much effort into the icing and candy decorations: This architectural masterpiece is sure to disappear in 30 seconds flat.

• Try It: Gingerbread House

Like that actress whose name you can never remember who always plays the best friend: lovable and reliable, but never the highlight. Although you will need something to drag through all those gravy-kissed mashed potatoes...

• Try It: Easy Dinner Rolls

Eggnog's coconut-y (and far superior) cousin. This creamy cocktail requires some forethought since it needs to chill for at least four hours before being served, but I promise it's worth the wait. Bring on the spiced rum, amigas.

• Try It: Caribe Hilton’s Coquito

Fried onions from a tin never cease to delight (even if you eat the leftovers from Thanksgiving for a month straight...just me?). And don't knock the canned cream of mushroom base—this veggie side is a traditional Christmas food for a reason.

• Try It: Slow Cooker Green Bean Casserole

Oh, you fancy, huh? This poultry choice is giving Medieval feast. TBH, your guests may be just as satisfied with a whole roast chicken, but if you're feeling particularly regal this holiday, I won't stop you from wowing the crowd.

• Try It: Pheasant in Mustard Sauce

Crackers? Classic. Apples? Great. Baked with pomegranate arils? Heck yes. Old tires? I'd try it slathered in Brie. Serve it with plenty of honey for drizzling, and when in doubt, bake it until bubbly in a cast iron skillet.

• Try It: Baked Brie with Cranberries and Pomegranate

If your love of cheese extends beyond the aforementioned wheel, there should surely be a charcuterie board on your holiday table. I love that they typically don't require any cooking, and even hostesses without an artistic knack can assemble a good-looking spread. (Shoutout to the 3-3-3-3 rule.)

• Try It: Ultimate Cheese Plate with Roasted Grapes

They're like Caesar salad: tasty…but pretty anticlimactic after the millionth time. That said, it's simply not Christmas without a plate of these picky kid-proof treats on the table. I'd recommend making a bunch of sugar cookies in advance (or at least preparing the dough), then decorating them on Christmas Eve as a family.

• Try It: Cut-Out Sugar Cookies

Gooey filling, flaky pie crust and sugared nuts—this classic Christmas food is so worth the future cavities. It's twice as delicious topped with a hulking scoop of vanilla ice cream (but you knew that already).

• Try It: Maple Pecan Pie

Turkey who? Sorry, I was distracted by this tender main's herb-crusted exterior and impeccably juicy interior. Roast beef (or prime rib, which is a specific cut of beef that's typically slow roasted) never fails to impress, and it's way less fussy to prepare than a whole bird.

• Try It: Roast Beef with Gravy

Chocolate, vanilla, caramel: I'm not picky when it comes to this decadent dessert. Try an unconventional fudge recipe on for size this year, like the marshmallow-peanut butter variety below. (It only takes 15 minutes to prepare, after all.)

• Try It: Fluffernutter Fudge

Dare I say gravy is almost tastier than what goes underneath it? I'm here for those infused with turkey drippings, mushroomy vegetarian takes and heck, store-bought gravy mix in a paper pouch. As long as a boat of the stuff is on the table.

• Try It: Make-Ahead Vegetarian Gravy

It's sweet, creamy, comforting and tastes like childhood. Pass the cookies so I can get to dunking. Just be sure to leave a mug of hot chocolate out for Santa Claus if you know what's good for your gift haul.

• Try It: Hot Chocolate with Salted Caramel Whipped Cream

Potatoes cooked in fat until crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside and drool-worthy all around. Need I say more? I like the standard EVOO-salt-herb treatment, but could I convince you to make this sweet-and-spicy version finished with pistachios, honey and yogurt?

• Try It: Crispy and Spicy Harissa Potatoes with Yogurt

Yeah, I ranked potatoes back to back. Condemn me to the naughty list if you must, but no one has ever complained about the menu being too spud-heavy.

• Try It: Smoked Gouda and Scallion Mashed Potatoes

Screw the bark—give me a peppermint tree. In fact, give me the whole damn forest. Fresh, festive and delectably sweet, this giftable gem is my top pick of the season. Bow down to the reigning king of traditional Christmas foods.

• Try It: Peppermint Bark