The One Thing Most People Get Wrong About Middle Children

When it comes to birth order stereotypes, middle children get the—dare I say—middle child treatment. The oldest is the golden child, the responsible overachiever. The youngest? The spoiled baby who gets away with everything. But the middle child? If pop culture is to be believed, they’re the overlooked Jan Brady, forever stuck in the shadow of their siblings, resigned to a lifetime of "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" Stephanie Tanner, Denise Huxtable, Lisa Simpson—all were portrayed struggling to get the attention. But what if these ideas about middle children is wrong? As a middle child myself, I was surprised to learn that maybe there’s one thing everyone’s gotten wrong about us. Dr. Catherine Salmon, PhD, an expert in evolutionary psychology and co-author of The Secret Power of Middle Children, is here to set the record straight. Not only are middle children not forgotten, but they may just have the best skill set of all.

Dr. Catherine Salmon, PhD., is a professor in the psychology department at the University of Redlands. With expertise in evolutionary psychology and human sexuality, she has served as associate editor of Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, as well as book review editor for Evolutionary Psychological Science. In collaboration with Katrin Schumann, Dr. Salmon is the author of The Secret Power of Middle Children. She has also written chapters in numerous books including The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology.

"The biggest misconception about middle children is that they are overlooked and bitter about it," says Dr. Salmon. "In reality, they may receive less parental attention, but that actually benefits them in the long run."

Unlike firstborns, who often feel the weight of parental expectations, or youngest siblings, who tend to be doted on, middle children develop a unique set of skills that make them exceptionally independent, socially adept, and highly adaptable. They learn early on how to navigate different personalities and situations, making them natural team players and problem solvers.

Labeling middle children as forgotten or jealous does them (us) a disservice. "They often have to overcome these preconceptions," Dr. Salmon explains. "Middleborns are actually ambitious—but their ambition is often directed toward social goals like serving others and making an impact in their communities."

In fact, their strong social orientation means they excel at negotiation and collaboration. Instead of seeking validation from parents, they learn to carve out their own paths, which translates into a strong sense of independence and resilience.

Worried your middle child isn't getting enough attention? Dr. Salmon advises not to stress too much. "Middleborns thrive in their unique role," she says. However, there are a few things parents can do to support them:

• Avoid constant comparisons to their siblings. Middle children are wired to forge their own identities, so let them do so without pressure.
• Pay attention to their friendships. "Since they may receive less attention at home, middleborns tend to see their friends as family," Dr. Salmon notes. Encouraging positive peer relationships is key.
• Recognize their strengths. Flexibility, empathy, perseverance—middle children have traits that serve them well in life. Help them see these as advantages.

For middle children wondering how to use their unique position to their advantage, Dr. Salmon suggests playing to their strengths. "Don't compete with your siblings—find your own path," she advises. "Your ability to think outside the box, your independence, and your self-motivation are powerful assets in the workplace and beyond." Noted.