5 Signs Your Guy Has ‘Fantasy Football Commissioner’ Energy (And Why That Makes Him the Best)

I was recently at a friend’s birthday in lower Manhattan. It was a co-ed gathering, so it came as no surprise that after catching up on who was dating who, who was moving, and whether we should get another pizza, we finally came round to the subject that always steals the spotlight come September: fantasy football.

At first, it was the usual banter. “There’s no way I’m benching Derrick Henry after one bad game,” and, “You’re an idiot. Justice Hill had a 20-percent target share—total sleeper pick.” You know, the kind of discourse that gets progressively more heated as the Heinekens flow. But mid-way through Dom’s rant about how his wide receiver has the durability of wet cardboard, Chris, still trying to chew through a cold piece of pizza, suddenly looked up and declared, “I swear, our commissioner is the only guy keeping this thing from turning into total chaos.” Consider my interest piqued. 

I leaned in, intrigued, because if there’s one thing that captures my attention during football talk, it’s the idea of someone managing a group of highly competitive personalities without completely losing their marbles. “Wait, what does the commissioner do exactly?” I asked, genuinely curious (and maybe stalling before having to fake my way through more football jargon). Dom, without skipping a beat, explained: “He sets the draft date, makes sure nobody cheats, collects the money, and basically listens to everyone complain when they lose.”

“So, like, the perfect boyfriend?” I quipped, half-expecting them to laugh it off. But instead, Chris nodded in agreement and said, “Pretty much. If a guy’s a good commissioner, he can handle anything.” And with that, what started as your typical fantasy football debate turned into a surprisingly insightful discussion about relationships. (Take notes, gentlemen: this is how you get women to care about your next draft pick.) So, below, find five undeniable signs your guy has “Fantasy Football Commissioner” energy—and why that makes him the absolute best guy to date.

If you’re dating a top-tier commissioner, you’ll know it by how seriously he takes timing. This is the guy who scheduled the draft date six months in advance and gave everyone three Google Calendar invites with multiple reminders for reminders. He’s tracking every important event, from setting weekly lineups to making sure everyone is ready for trade deadlines—if one person drops the ball, the whole league is thrown off. This then translates into dating, where he’ll never be the one to "forget" your plans or "accidentally" double-book you for Saturday brunch. In fact, he’s probably calculating how much time you’d save if you scheduled your hair straightener intervals like he does his waiver wire pickups (when you’re inevitably 20 minutes late).

In his league, he acts as the ultimate referee—responsible for keeping the peace, ensuring everyone follows the rules and stepping in when things get heated. Whether it’s mediating a trade dispute or vetoing a questionable deal, the commissioner has to be the voice of reason while managing a league of people who really care about their teams. Now transpose that into a relationship. He knows how to listen when you have a disagreement, and he has the tools to find a fair solution that’ll work for both of you. To that end, he won’t shy away from difficult conversations, but he’ll handle them calmly, ensuring that no one feels slighted (even if that means letting you have the last word in your debate about pineapple on pizza).

Being a commissioner is like running a small business—except the employees are a group of grown men emotionally invested in their rosters. He’s responsible for collecting league fees, tracking payouts and making sure the winners get paid at the end of the season. If something goes wrong with the money, guess who gets the angry texts? That’s right—the commissioner (more on that below). It takes a high level of financial organization to juggle everyone’s payments, especially when there’s a prize pool at stake. Now picture that in a relationship. He’s the guy who never “forgets” his wallet or accidentally blows the rent money on a weekend bender. He’s budget-conscious without being cheap; responsible without being a control freak. Whether it’s planning for your next vacation or managing shared expenses, you can rest easy knowing he’s got everything under control.

A commissioner doesn’t just think about this season; he’s already strategizing for next year. He plans the draft, scouts rookies, keeps an eye on waiver wire gems—and he’s thinking about bye weeks before anyone else. If someone misses a deadline or forgets to set their lineup, it can throw the whole coalition into pandemonium—he’s always planning ahead to make sure things run smoothly. (See where I’m going with this on the dating front?) He won’t just be thinking about your next date; he’s already planning your anniversary trip three months in advance. Whether it’s booking a surprise weekend getaway or making dinner reservations, this is the type of guy who makes sure every detail is handled before you’ve even thought to ask. In a world full of unpredictable men, having someone who’s always a step ahead is pure gold.

Finally, he’s no stranger to complaints—constant complaints. Whether it’s a bad trade, a lineup catastrophe or someone raging over their star player’s injury, the commissioner is the one who hears about it. He basically becomes a human suggestion box, except 90 percent of the suggestions are people venting about things completely out of his control. And yet, if he’s good at his job, he takes it all in stride. He knows how to listen and finds a way to keep everyone happy (or at least make them stop complaining). It requires patience and the ability to let things roll off his back, even when everyone’s pointing fingers in his direction. Personally, I find this to be the most invaluable skill a commissioner brings to relationships. He’s not only used to handling frustration and complaints but he also has emotional endurance. When you eventually snap at him after a long day (because nothing is going right, your jeans are too tight, and you’re bloated from your period), he’s not going to take it personally. He’s had worse thrown at him during draft week—and he has the emotional resilience to laugh it off.