What Is Micro-Dating? It Might Just Save Your Marriage, Says Expert

Lisa and Jason had once been the kind of couple who played footsie at brunch. They used to send text messages that had nothing to do with logistics: I’m wearing your favorite sweater. I saw a dog that looked exactly like yours in college. And in the early days, they’d find any excuse to linger from noon to night—one more drink, one more block.

You probably know where this story is headed. Ten years later, and this married couple now sits in the same room, separated by couch cushions, scrolling through TikTok in silence. “I feel like we never talk anymore,” Lisa once said. Jason didn’t even glance up. “We just don’t have time.”

But was that true? For months, Lisa had been consumed with self-doubt. She’d dissect their marriage like an old sweater with loose threads—pulling at every moment to see where things started to unravel. Was it the stress of work? The exhaustion of their routines? Or had they simply outgrown each other in the slow, imperceptible way that some couples do?

Enter: Micro-Dating.

Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn is a Kinsey-certified sexologist, tenured professor of relational communication and award-winning sex researcher/ dating coach based in Los Angeles. She continues to conduct quantitative research at California State University Fullerton and hosts a podcast called Luvbites by Dr. Tara that focuses on sexual wellness and sexploration. Her goal is to normalize sex talks, and help people feel more sexually fulfilled through confidence and communication coaching.

Coined by The Gottman Institute, a micro-date is at least 10 minutes of uninterrupted time with your partner with the goal of strengthening your connection. Meaning, if a traditional date is a three-course meal, a micro-date is an espresso shot—short, strong and exactly what a marriage (or long-term relationship) needs to stay connected. Per the institute’s definition, “You want to schedule at least one micro-date every week—at least 10 minutes long. No cell phones. No kids. No multitasking.”

And again, the goal of micro-dating is to strengthen a relationship. “It’s meant to be a short date that's fun,” Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, tells me. “Micro-dates allow you to expand attraction, and curiosity, without having too much time to focus on flaws.” In other words, this isn’t the time for working through conflicts or discussing logistics. It’s about bringing back the excitement of connection—especially for couples who are struggling to reignite the spark. “It doesn't matter so much the setting as long as it's relatively casual and low-stakes—that's the selling point of a micro-date versus a long fancy dinner.” She also adds, “You want to make sure it has a little bit of structure while still allowing for conversation, like trying a dessert from the best dessert shop in town. The goal is to have fun, connect, and to take the pressure away from the logistics of dating.”

At its core, the value of micro-dating lies in its simplicity. “The perception of going on a date for a shorter amount of time inherently makes it more valuable,” Suwinyattichaiporn explains. “Think: The excitement you get when something goes on sale.” And what happens after you snag a shiny new toy? You run home to play with it. “When a micro-date goes well, you leave on a high note. There’s no time for the conversation to get dull, so it mimics the energy of dating someone new. You look forward to seeing them again.” Meaning that, micro-dates can mimic the energy of a new relationship—the interaction feels exciting because it’s focused, brief and leaves you wanting more. You’re reminded of the best versions of each other—even if it’s only 10 minutes. 

The phrase date night can often feel more like an obligation than a treat. The pressure to plan something romantic, book a reservation and muster the energy after a long day can make it feel more like a to-do list item. But micro-dating flips the script. “It takes the pressure away from the logistics of spending time together,” Suwinyattichaiporn explains. “You don’t need a fancy dinner or an entire night blocked off. It can be as simple as grabbing ice cream, playing a quick card game at a coffee shop, or taking a walk in the park.” And because micro-dates are short and spontaneous, they make it easier to prioritize connection—without the weight of making every date special.

Okay, hear me out: a five-minute Target run or a quick trip to Trader Joe’s might not sound romantic, but it’s surprisingly intimate. Turning an errand into an adventure makes the mundane feel exciting (so long as you’re not bickering over which toilet paper is better). Take it from this TikTok couple, who somehow make taking out the trash together look fun. 

Classic, simple, and surprisingly effective. “A walk in a beautiful park or botanical garden releases all kinds of feel-good hormones,” she explains. Add an ice cream cone (or really any kind of dessert), and you’ve got a date that feels sweet in every sense of the word.

Meet at a bookstore and pick out a book for each other based on what you think they’d love. “This gives you something to talk about both during the date and after,” says Suwinyattichaiporn. It’s a creative way to learn about each other’s interests while dodging the usual small talk.

If you’re out and about, walk into a random store and pick something out for each other. “Doing something novel together makes for a more memorable date and releases dopamine,” says Suwinyattichaiporn. Or, if you hate shopping, you can try to hunt down a record store. (Music is an easy way to spark connection—there’s nothing like bonding over a shared love for Fleetwood Mac.)