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How to Deal with a Toxic Boss Without Losing Your Mind...or Your Job, According to Experts

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Though I’m lucky enough to have made it 11-plus years into my career without having to deal with a toxic boss, I have seen the cinematic masterpiece The Devil Wears Prada no fewer than 18 times. I know that doesn’t exactly qualify me to advise you, dear reader, on the ins and outs of dealing with a toxic boss, so I went to two experts, leadership coach Dr. Margie Warrell and psychotherapist Israa Nasir, to learn more—including seven warning signs to watch out for and strategies to cope, from documenting everything to finding allies.

Meet the Experts

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7 Signs You Have a Toxic Boss

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1. They Rule Through Fear

Warrell tells me, “If you constantly feel on edge, worried about being criticized, blamed or belittled, it's a sign your boss leads through intimidation rather than inspiration.” Nasir adds that when a boss is creating a culture built around fear, you’ll notice people walking on eggshells, hesitating to share ideas or staying silent in meetings out of fear of retaliation.

2. They Take Credit for Your Work

You put hours and hours of work into a presentation only for your boss to take credit in front of their boss—it’s a classic toxic boss move. Warrell notes that a toxic boss is quick to claim your accomplishments as their own while pointing fingers when things go wrong.

3. They Either Micromanage or Undermanage

There’s a sweet spot when it comes to how involved your manager is in your day to day: You want to feel like you’re trusted to do your job without constantly being under a microscope, but you also want to feel confident that if you do have issues, your boss is in your corner. Per Nasir, toxic bosses fail to strike this balance. She notes, “[Toxic bosses] either micromanage and there is relentless oversight on tasks you're fully capable of handling, or they are completely unavailable when you actually need guidance.”

4. They Have Inconsistent Expectations

“The goalposts are always moving,” Nasir says of this toxic boss trait. “One day you're praised for initiative; the next, you're scolded for ‘not staying in your lane.’”

5. They Don’t Hide That They Have Favorites

It’s one thing if some folks in your workplace are closer to the boss than others, but if that closeness results in preferential treatment, it’s a red flag. “Playing favorites can divide teams, erode trust and create a culture of resentment,” Warrell says.

6. They’re Blame-Oriented, Instead of Solutions Focused

A toxic boss magnifies your mistakes and never lets you forget that one time you slipped up, rather than working with you to ensure it doesn’t happen again. This is one way to undermine your confidence, which Nasir says also happens with subtle, dismissive comments, or comparing you to others, making you question your worth and abilities.

7. They Drain Your Energy

Like pretty much all toxic people, a toxic boss leaves you emotionally depleted. Warrell advises, “If you're dreading work each day because of their behavior, it’s time to take stock.”

How to Deal with a Toxic Boss: 6 Strategies

1. Document Everything

Both Nasir and Warrell stress the importance of keeping a record of interactions and decisions, particularly when promises or accusations are involved, which can protect you and ensure clarity. Nasir adds, “This will help you stay grounded in what occurred and the facts when issues inevitably come to the surface.” She also tells me that you can consider escalation, with a caveat: “If possible, and if you feel safe, bring concerns to HR or a higher authority. But be strategic—some workplaces protect toxic leaders.”

2. Establish Boundaries

Boundaries are important in all relationships—including with your boss. Warrell explains, “Know what behavior you will and won’t tolerate. If your boss consistently oversteps, calmly but firmly address it.” Whether you’re addressing a misunderstanding or clarifying expectations, do so with confidence and respect.

3. Focus on What You Can Control

You and your boss are both adults—even if they don’t always act like it—meaning you can’t control their behavior, only your own. Warrell advises, “You can’t change your boss, but you can manage your reactions, maintain professionalism and focus on doing your best work.” Nasir, for her part, adds that seeing a therapist can be very helpful for this.

4. Find Allies

“Build relationships with colleagues who understand your experience,” Nasir recommends. “A support system is vital in these situations.” She adds, though that you should keep the discussions strictly related to work-related issues, and avoid personal remarks about your boss. “For example, if your boss has a habit of interrupting you, recruit safe colleagues to help counter that by asking you to repeat yourself or saying something like, ‘I'd like to hear what __ was saying about [work project].’” Warrell seconds the support system comment. “Talk to trusted colleagues or mentors for advice, encouragement and perspective,” she says. “Sharing your experience can help you feel less isolated and you might discover that others are feeling similar and you can support each other.”

5. Try Not to Take Things Too Personally

This is way easier said than done, I know. But Warrell says, “Just because someone has risen in the ranks doesn’t mean they’ve got their sh*t together. Often they’re driven by insecurity and by putting you down, they’re trying to lift themselves up. So don’t personalize their behavior. It is saying far more about them than anything about you.”

6. Focus on Self-Care

Unsurprisingly, a toxic boss can take a toll on your mental and physical health, making it crucial to take care of yourself outside of the office. Warrell and Nasir suggest investing in activities that recharge you and set boundaries to protect your energy, and building a robust life outside of work by engaging in hobbies, friendships and activities.



sarah stiefvater

Wellness Director

  • Oversees wellness content
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  • Has worked in lifestyle media for 11 years