5 Red Flags on Dating Apps You Should Never Ignore, According to a Matchmaker

You open your Hinge app (or Tinder or Raya or any of the seemingly hundreds of different dating apps around these days). Over the course of a 15-minute swipe sesh, you encounter someone whose photos all look like they were taken on a flip phone in 2010,  someone whose profile suggests he doesn’t own any shirts (or pants?) and someone who, wait, is that a wedding ring on his finger??? Yikes. These are all very obviously red flags, sure, but what about subtler warning signs? To learn more about red flags on dating apps that might not jump out at you as quickly as the aforementioned examples, I reached out to matchmaker and dating coach Anna Morgenstern.

Anna Morgenstern is a matchmaker and dating coach based in NYC, who’s helped people globally overcome their dating obstacles to meet high-quality matches for long-term relationships. As seen on Hulu and Bravo, Morgenstern uses her decade of experience to give real advice on how to meet people.

Hinge prompts and the like are there for a reason: to provide a glimpse into the type of person you are. If someone hasn’t taken the time to thoughtfully fill out their profile, Morgenstern says this show that they are not taking the apps very seriously and are likely not relationship material. Here’s what you’re looking for: “If they answered the prompts with humor, provided insight on who they are and what they are looking for and kept the overall language positive, those are all green flags,” she stresses.

His profile says he works in finance but all of his photos look like they’re from a GQ photoshoot. Hmm… If you’re concerned a profile is too good to be true, Morgenstern suggests doing a reverse Google image search to make sure the person is authentic, and not someone masquerading as something they’re not.

The goal of meeting on a dating app is to eventually move the conversation to texting and meet in person, sure, but Morgenstern says it’s a red flag if it seems like they’re trying to rush you off the app and over to WhatsApp, Telegram or another messaging platform. Why? She says this could be a sign that the person is either a catfish or scammer, and wants to get you off the app quickly so you won’t report their profile once you figure out who they really are.

You’ve been messaging on the app back and forth for days, and it seems like it’s going well, but there’s been no movement toward meeting in person. Per Morgenstern, someone who is constantly chatting with you, but not making a plan to meet in person can be a red flag. “After a bit of back and forth banter they suggest a date to meet in person,” she tells me. “The point of matching is to meet in person, not to have a pen pal.”

If your date insists on meeting at one of your homes, or at a bar next to their home, that is usually a red flag that they are intending to make the encounter more intimate than you might be comfortable with. Instead, meet at a public place for a first date that’s convenient for you to get to.

As much as we want to believe that everyone we meet on a dating app could potentially be the one, the reality is that there are a lot of unsavory characters out there, making prioritizing your safety crucial. Here are a few of Morgenstern’s tips for staying safe on dating apps:

• If you’re going on a date, make sure a friend or family member knows when, where and whom you’re meeting.
• Never send money to someone you are chatting up on a dating app, no matter how compelling their story might sound. Scam likely.  
• Meet at a public place that’s convenient for you both. Do not meet at their apartment, or have them at yours on the first date. 
• Keep a close watch on your alcohol intake. “Too much alcohol on a first date can cause you to make a decision you might regret,” Morgenstern says. “Stay clear headed and keep the drink intake to two, max.”

In general, trust your gut when it comes to online dating. Morgenstern tells me, “As women, we always know in our gut if something feels off, so if you’re chatting with someone on a dating app and their story isn’t lining up, or they are giving off an energy that isn’t sitting well with you, then you should listen to that feeling and unmatch them.”