Look, living in NYC isn’t for everyone. (Especially if you hate amazing pizza and bagels.)
But, guys, if you come to visit the big city for the weekend, there are a couple things you’re going to have to understand about us.
Here are the 17 things tourists just don’t get about New Yorkers. Take notes.
1. There are sidewalk traffic laws. If you abruptly stop short or back up while walking in the city, someone will bump into you. You wouldn’t suddenly start going in reverse on a highway, would you?
2. We’re not rude, just busy. Yeah, we’re really glad you’re having fun taking pictures with that off-brand Elmo, but we’re late for work and you’re in the way.
3. The best place to get sushi? We’re not telling. If we told you about our super-secret hole-in-the-wall, then there’d be a line out the door and we’d never be able to get a seat.
4. Visiting the Empire State Building once is enough. Sorry, we’re not shelling out $32 to look at a view that’s essentially the same as the one from our dentist’s office.
5. Hey, we’re trying to grocery shop here. We know the Upper West Side is a great place to spot celebs, but we’re trying to get to Whole Foods to buy carrot pasta ingredients for dinner. Can you move?
6. Our apartments look nothing like Monica’s on Friends. A kitchen that’s larger than a postage stamp? A dining room table? Purple walls?! Oh please, we’d never get our security deposit back.
7. If you ask politely, we’re happy to give you directions. In fact, you’ll probably end up with four more New Yorkers butting in to help you with alternate routes.
8. We’re not rich. Well, some of us are. The rest of us have two roommates and live off the G train. Living in NYC on a budget is totally doable, people.
9. It’s not that loud. Fine, it takes a little getting used to, but you don’t have to do “earmuffs” every time an ambulance passes by.
10. It’s not that dirty. OK, it can get pretty gross in the summer on trash day, but just watch where you’re going and keep hand sanitizer in your bag. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t wear flip-flops.
11. We get plenty of nature time. Well, by nature, we mean Sheep Meadow on warm Saturdays and our two-by-two-foot fire escape on warm weeknights.
12. We know the true meaning of cold. Try getting to work, yoga and the grocery store in the freezing rain without a car. Yep, that’s our routine for four months out of the year.
13. Doing errands takes ten times longer. Oh, you just drove over to Ikea and put all your stuff in the trunk? IT TOOK US EIGHT HOURS AND WE HAD TO TAKE A FERRY.
14. We do actually sleep. We love watching Netflix in our PJs on a weeknight just as much as you do. And we have so many amazing on-demand apps, we really never have to leave our apartment if we don’t want to.
15. We’d never, ever eat on the subway. Personal space is at a premium, and 100 people don’t want to smell your fries. Also, ew.
16. There’s a right and a wrong way to hail a cab. The right way: stand at the corner and lift your hand when a cab with the “on duty” light drives by. The wrong way: stand directly in front of someone else trying to hail a cab and wave wildly at every car that passes.
17. We never go to Times Square. Well, unless we’re seeing Hamilton.
