From your husband or boyfriend to your best friend or brother, there are dudes in your life you care about. And you’ve seen them wear one too many square-toed dress shoe for it to be socially acceptable any longer. Help our cause and lead them away from any of the following 19 pieces.
1. Deep V-Neck T-Shirts
We’re not against chest hair. (In fact, a hint of chest hair peeking out from a slightly unbuttoned button-down can be downright hot in a ‘70s Burt Reynolds kind of way.) We are, however, against man cleavage.
2. Inauthentic Graphic T-Shirts
The number of people who wear CBGB T-shirts who actually went to CBGB is zero.
3. Ill-Fitting Suits
A little kid wearing his dad’s suit as a joke is adorable. A 35-year-old digital marketing professional who looks like he’s doing the same is not.
4. Button-Down Vests That Aren’t Part of a Tuxedo
Mostly because stand-alone vests are so often accompanied by fedoras, which we won’t even legitimize by giving their own place on this list.
5. Wrinkled Chinos
Tell us you don’t have a bedframe without telling us you don’t have a bedframe. (You can buy a highly reviewed iron at Target for $13.)
6. Shiny Dress Shirts
You know those guys at the club who women warn each other about in the bathroom?
7. Square-Toe Dress Shoes
No, that’s not all they make anymore. Even though they're in your face at every retailer from Macy's to Men's Wearhouse, that does not mean they're acceptable.
8. Super-Pointy Dress Shoes
If you think these are a suitable alternative to square toes, you are not right. (The better option: a slightly pointed but softly rounded toe.)
9. Baggy, High-Water Jeans
Google “Obama mom jeans.”
10. Skinny Jeans
The opposite is just as ridiculous. Some things are best left to the imagination, you know.
11. White Jeans
Not before Labor Day. Not after Labor Day. Not on Labor Day.
12. Socks with Sandals
Your uncle who brews his own kombucha and ran out of room for bumper stickers on his ’84 Subaru hatchback called: He wants his style back.
13. Anything Covered in Logos
Just because you can afford a T-shirt emblazoned with Givenchy logos doesn’t mean you should wear a T-shirt emblazoned with Givenchy logos. (Remember: Wealth whispers.)
14. Cargo Shorts
No explanation necessary.
15. Excessive Jewelry
The woven leather bracelet was even too much in 1995, Jason. It’s 2023.
16. Flip-Flops
They’re kinda gross even on women, and that’s after a pedicure.
17. Beanies Fit for an Actual Newborn
You know the ones: those beanies that are so small they sit *above* the ears, thereby negating the entire purpose of wearing a beanie.
18. Crocs
Unless you’re an on-the-job healthcare professional, let’s leave the Jibbitz to the under-ten set.
19. Sports Jerseys
We’ll give you a pass for game day and game day only.
