Take It from the Finance Bros: ‘The Principal of Least Interest’ Is the Best Way to Approach Your Dating Life

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from finance bros, it’s that they have a way of making everything about strategy. Whether we’re discussing fantasy football at happy hour or trying to bribe the bouncer at Automatic Slim’s, it always comes down to evaluating risks, minimizing losses and never over-investing.

This became glaringly clear when I was out with a group of friends last weekend. After finessing a table at a crowded sports bar, the conversation eventually turned to a recent date one of said bros had been on. “Oh no, I like her, but I’m not going to text until after the weekend,” Kevin said while keeping his eyes on the game overhead. When I asked him why, he shrugged. “I’m with my boys, and it was only a second date… If she thinks I’m too interested, she’s the one who will lose interest.” There it was—strategy at play. The chorus nods of agreement from the other guys told me that dating wasn’t so much about connection here; it was about maintaining their sense of agency. 

And so, as someone who’s made a career of translating financial terms into dating, I consulted with the OG finance bro in my life, my dad. “That’s the Principle of Least Interest,” he surmised. Turns out, the person who cares less, just like a broker hedging their investments, is always the one with the upper hand.

In any exchange, whether it’s between businesses or brokers, the party that is less invested has more power.

In economics, the Principle of Least Interest stems from Social Exchange Theory. In any exchange, whether it’s between businesses or brokers, the party that is less invested holds more power. The theory is rooted in a cost-benefit analysis, where each party calculates the potential risks and rewards before committing. A broker will then use the Principle of Least Interest to spread their investments across multiple assets—they want to minimize their financial attachment to any single stock while keeping risk low, control high. If one investment plummets, the principle ensures it’s not a dealbreaker; they have assets in other places. 

The same idea applies to relationships. The partner who feels less dependent on the other person naturally has the upper hand. They aren’t anxiously waiting for validation or commitment because they’ve diversified their emotional assets. With more flexibility, and a certain level of independence, they can navigate the dynamic from a place of confidence. Meanwhile, someone who’s all-in—emotionally over-invested in a relationship—ends up being vulnerable. Their happiness hinges on the other person’s actions. This, in turn, creates a scenario where the more independent partner can sit comfortably in control. They’ve been given the opportunity to risk less emotionally and, therefore, have less at stake.

Someone who’s emotionally over-invested in a relationship ends up feeling vulnerable. Their happiness hinges on the other person’s actions.

How does all of this play out in your dating life? Let’s start with the obvious: It’s natural to want to pour your energy into someone you like. But according to this theory, there’s a difference between caring and caring too much. (A lesson I had to learn the hard way). In my early twenties, I often fell victim to over-investing in my relationships—ultimately leading me down a path where I felt untethered and lost. Letting him take over the TV every Sunday, for instance, meant swapping my favorite show for yet another soccer game. And while it seemed like an inconsequential sacrifice at the time, I now see that I was gradually molding myself to fit into his world. I’d give away pieces of myself to show him how much I cared. 

Looking back, I realize that the more I invested in (whichever guy) I was seeing—adapting to his interests—the more I lost track of my own. It’s what resulted in a common complaint I hear from women all the time: The more we care, the more we feel unbalanced and insecure. Giving too much often accomplishes the opposite of what we hope for. Constantly bending over backward, whether it’s letting them pick the movie every time or adjusting your schedule to fit theirs, means slowly forfeiting parts of yourself. (Parts that made you interesting to the guy in the first place).

In that sense, I think this theory is right-on. Putting all of your money into one stock, hoping for a return, is an act of compromising your entire portfolio. In the early dating stages especially, too much interest can incite a dangerous cycle—you end up spending more time fixated on what they want instead of prioritizing what you need. And that’s the crux of the Principle of Least Interest. Less interest doesn’t necessarily mean you like someone less; it’s about redirecting some of that energy into yourself.

Less interest doesn’t necessarily mean you like someone less; it’s about redirecting some of that energy into yourself.

Ironically, I’ve found that the less time I spend obsessing over a guy, the more he seems to care about me. It’s not because I’m playing a game (far from it). It’s because I’m showing up for myself—my interests, my time, my individuality—while paying attention to how he shows up for me. Not only has this brought me a sense of security I lacked in my formative years but it’s also provided clarity. Now, I can see a dynamic for what it really is, rather than getting caught up in the proclivities of someone I barely know. More importantly, it gives the guy a chance to see me, what I’m interested in, too. 

At the end of the day, this theory has nothing to do with manipulation or calculated indifference. It’s about creating balance. My guy friends taught me an invaluable lesson, which is that emotional equity is just as critical as any other form of investment. When both people are showing up authentically, with equal interest at stake, that’s when real connection happens. After all, confidence is your biggest asset in a relationship—and it’s the only way to prevent shouldering the risk of investing in someone who (genuinely) couldn’t care less about you.