Gen Z and Boomers Can't Agree on How to Behave in Restaurants—But What Do the Pros Say?

Some rules were meant to be broken—just try telling that to Grandma Pearl when she tsk-tsks you for having the audacity to dine at Olive Garden in a T-shirt. And maybe the rules aren’t meant to be broken, per se, but they’re evolving. And nowhere is this clearer than when you’re out at a restaurant—especially seated at a table that spans a few generations.

A recent survey by UK-based restaurant Prezzo polled Gen Z through Baby Boomers on what constitutes proper table manners today, and their research found a few areas where it seems we’re all at odds with what’s couth. So, what rules are worth amending, and which are set in stone? I shared the research with two etiquette experts, getting their takes on the best ways to handle these polarizing situations.

• Diane Gottsman is a well-known leader in the etiquette industry and the founder of The Protocol School of Texas. She has spent 20 years training businesspeople, university students and others how to navigate social situations gracefully.
• Elaine Swann is a nationally recognized lifestyle and etiquette expert. She founded The Swann School of Protocol in California, and is the author of Let Crazy Be Crazy: Then Politely Get What You Want, Get Your Point Across and Gently Put Rude People in Their Place.

There’s no clearer sign of the changing times than this rule—and experts’ response to it. About 55 percent of baby boomers said it’s rude to use your phone at the table, compared to 32 percent of Gen Zers—and 22 percent of millennials. “When I first started teaching etiquette, I used to tell people ‘don’t even bring your cell phone with you into the restaurant,’” Swann shares. “Now, I say, ‘don’t forget your phone!’”

Etiquette is all about putting people at ease.

Elaine Swann

When and how you use it are key. “My advice is only to use the phone when it has to do with the conversation at hand,” she explains, elaborating that you might need to use it to check in on a friend who’s running late or answer a question about the menu when the server isn’t around. “Etiquette is all about putting people at ease, and it will make people uncomfortable if they’re sitting there while you’re scrolling through social media.”

The longer your head is craned over your phone, the more you’re signaling to everyone that “you’re bored and distracted,” Gottsman says. If you need to have your phone out because you’re on call or your kids are with a babysitter, it’s good to disclose that to everyone you’re dining with—and avoid getting caught in other notifications as you check your phone.

Your mom always told you not to do this, but…how bad is it, really? If you belong to Gen Z, you’re most likely to think it’s no big deal (at least 75 percent did, by Prezzo’s measure). If you’re a baby boomer, you’re more likely to uphold the rule (48 percent do). While both experts agree there are times when it’s acceptable to put your forearms on the table—particularly when the food hasn’t arrived, and you want to lean into the conversation for a closer connection—they acknowledged a few reasons why you wouldn’t want to be so relaxed.

“Posture is the main reason to keep your elbows off the table, keeping your torso up, shoulders back, so you avoid the appearance of slumping over into your soup,” Gottsman says. “A good rule of thumb is when there is food in front of you, elbows should be off the table. Between courses or after dinner, conversation can include elbows, as long as they are not in someone else’s personal space or theirs, or their table mate’s dessert.”

Another big point of contention: who pays at the end of the meal. Splitting the bill equally, when one person ordered way more, is a huge ick for Gen Z, with 43 percent saying it’s rude, according to a June 2024 Cash App survey. If you’re out with friends, it’s OK to ask for separate checks—just bring it up before you start ordering. “Make it clear so everyone knows early on,” Swann says, ideally addressing things before you sit down. (It can be as simple as saying, “hey, do you mind if we do separate checks tonight? I’m trying to stick to a budget right now.”)

Still, there are some exceptions, such as if you’re inviting family out for a special occasion. “The etiquette rule: The person who extends the invitation, also pays and tips,” Gottsman says. “Don’t assume that just because it’s your parent, they are automatically going to pay for the meal, especially as families grow larger and relationships change with a parent (death or divorce), and many parents have retired and now live on a fixed income. Each situation is different, but when it comes to family members, if you are a working adult, without a family of your own, you should offer to pay you own way if it hasn’t been clear that it is a ‘hosted gathering.’”

Across the board, all ages tend to agree—at least 65 percent of people, according to Prezzo—that chewing with your mouth open remains, well, gross.