18 Classic Christmas Desserts, Ranked from “No Thanks, I’m Stuffed” to “Seconds, Please”

Let’s call a spade a spade. Between the dense texture, the fossilized fruit and the faint taste of booze that would’ve been better off left in the bottle, we all knew this one was coming.

Nostalgic is one way to put it. Ancient history is more accurate.

No, it’s *not* the same as fruitcake. But we prefer our brioche without raisins and fruit peels, thank you very much.

We’re not interested in dome-shaped desserts that don’t ooze molten chocolate. Maybe it’d make a good paperweight?

Admit it, you put them in the kids’ stockings every year…only to find them crushed into the carpet by New Year’s Eve.

We’re beyond pumpkin-ed out by December, PSL be damned.

“Chocolate sponge cake tastes so much better when it looks like tree bark,” said no one ever.

Ah yes, a gift we’ve all given (and never eaten).

Hot take: Gingerbread houses > their paper doll-shaped predecessors. But that credit really belongs to the icing and decorations, not so much the crackly, dry texture of the cookie itself.

Delicious, but seriously lacking in the holly-jolly department.

Extra cinnamon or bust.

Don’t hate. Spiked with a little bourbon, it might inch its way up a couple spots on this list.

Sink your teeth into one while opening gifts on Christmas morning and boom: You’re a kid all over again.

They’re like Caesar salad: tasty…but pretty anticlimactic after the millionth time.

If you eat less than an entire bowl in one sitting, you’re not doing it right.

Rocky road, caramel, vanilla—we don’t discriminate.

Remember what we said about chocolate truffles not being festive enough? This beauty’s the best of both worlds.

So what if we had it at Thanksgiving? We’ll have it on Christmas, New Year’s and Valentine’s Day, too. The gooiness, the caramel, the buttery crust. It’s everything you want during this chilly time of year.