Alanis Morissette’s Wisest Parenting Quotes That You Oughta Know

Grab your pleather pants and unbury your rage: We are in the midst of a full-blown Alanaissance. To the delight of ’90s kids everywhere, 2020 will bring us a new album, a tour and, of course, a Broadway musical from the icon who feels like a dear friend, Alanis Morissette. But a lesser-known and equally praiseworthy fact is that Morissette, 45 and mom to three children under 10 (including a 4-month-old baby!), is also an attachment parenting expert and postpartum depression advocate. She even wrote the foreword to a new book, Modern Attachment Parenting, penned by a fellow fearless mom. Here, Morissette’s most moving words of wisdom that you haven’t yet memorized—and her messages about motherhood that, well, you oughta know.

1. Becoming A Parent 

“Oh it does slow you down—chemically, circumstantially, financially, in your marriage, in your career. I think [for] a lot of women who had one way of life, myself included, [having a baby] created a sea change overnight.”

“[How exciting to be discussing] this archetypical role of mother…along with all that comes with it: The pressure. The beauty. The overwhelm. The maternal fire. The heavy burden of perfectionism. The tenderness. The activism. The unnaturalness of it happening without a village in modern society.”

“Know that it is perfectly appropriate for you to have a dusty, messy, cluttered home for a while—and your psyche may feel the same. Your priorities are breathtaking, and if anyone takes issue with your laundry, they are welcome to fold it for you while they make your dinner.”  

“Both marriage and becoming a parent have their way of growing us up. It is just about whether we kick and scream through the process (or, ultimately, run from it) or submit to it willingly and with a relatively open mind. The choice is yours, and yours alone.”

2. Surviving Postpartum Depression

“I have been here before. I know there is another side…I saw how things got richer after I came through it the last two times. I have my eye on that prize again even as I drag my ass through the molasses.”

“I remember calling a doctor and saying, ‘Does this get easier if I just kind of stick it out and soldier through it?’ Which had been my way of approaching almost everything in my life. Just soldier through it. And she said, ‘No, it actually gets worse.’”

“It’s very isolating. I’m used to being the Rock of Gibraltar, providing, protecting and maneuvering. It had me question everything. I’ve known myself to be a really incredible decision-maker and a leader that people can rely on. [Now] I can barely decide what to eat for dinner.”

“When I had postnatal depression, I rarely saw any of my friends—it was as if they all disappeared off the face of the planet, and I was devastated. I can only assume that I was ‘bringing them down’ and that they felt helpless to influence my mood. Sometimes people don’t realize that just sitting with us, staring at a sunset, eating soup, watching a movie—essentially just being—is all we really need. We are social creatures. In the best of friendships, you are there for each other through both celebrations and suffering.”

3. Asking For Help

“I’m very aware that I have to be able to lean on my friends and my community. Because I used to do the ‘I’m a woman who’s an island’ thing. The need-less, want-less thing. And that didn’t really work so well.”

“One of my pet peeves is when people say mothers ‘have to take care of their needs first,’ using the oxygen mask on a plane theory… At each stage I hope you are availing yourself of something vital: community… Doing it all on your own only leads to burnout. I hope you are able to rely on friends, family, neighbors and support groups. Ask for help: even if it is just someone coming to watch your children for an hour while you shower (luxury!) or eat something nutritious.”  

4. Figuring Out What Kids Really Need

“Too often people reprimand their child and send the message that the child’s natural impulses are innately ‘bad,’ rather than focusing on the behavior not working in a given context.”

“[An imaginary friend] might be his way of addressing something even more profound—which he will open up to you about as soon as you show a nonjudgmental interest. Whatever the reason, I can assure you there is nothing to worry about. I would ask questions…whenever he brings the subject up and enjoy it as the sweet opportunity for sharing that it is.”