What Your Friends Say Behind Your Back, Based on Your Zodiac Sign

To think your friends don’t talk about you behind your back is equal parts naive and mortifying. Yes, your friends love you—it’s why they’re your friends—but you’re not perfect…and sometimes you bother them. So, if you have the heart to look, here is what they’re probably saying about you behind your back, based on your zodiac sign. 

“I love being around Aries because they’re so crazy hot and sexy and just navigate the world with such confidence. It’s soo refreshing. But the other night we were all trying to pick a spot to get some food and Aries was all like, 'I'll go anywhere! I'm open!' and then persisted to name every caveat in the book: It needed to serve Coke products (not Pepsi) a substantial salad menu with gluten-free croutons, and have ample booth seating. There was literally one place that fit all Aries' requirements. So we all just went along with it because who can argue with Aries?”

“Taurus and I had the most relaxing day. We sipped on Aperol spritzes by the pool, flipped through our beach reads and lounged like I’ve never lounged before. There was just, well, a bit of a tense moment when I had to step away to make one—ONE—work call. Taurus basically accused me of having no work-life balance. They get so dang grumpy when anyone in their vicinity pauses the fun—even if it has nothing to do with them? It’s like, now I get why you say your boss hates you!”

“I took Gemini to a press event where we didn't know a single person, and of course, Gem became the life of the party! They were like, 'Omg, you have to meet Claire!' And I asked, 'How do you know Claire?' and Gemini simply said: 'I just met her.' After hours of feeling like a wingman that they totally forgot about, I was like, Oooooh boy! How do I turn Gemini off? It escalated
It escalated to the point where Gem was putting their foot in their mouth, offending everyone by accident and also—I swear to God—making up stories? I’m not saying Gemini is a liar, but sometimes the truth doesn’t seem exciting enough. The kicker? They wound up leaving me at the party.”

“So, I met up with Cancer, and it was sooo lovely. They are so sweet and so kind and just made me feel extremely loved and cared for. I will be honest with you, though, every single topic of conversation I had with Cancer ended in the gloomiest pit of sadness. No matter how hard I tried to change the subject to something uplifting, Cancer found a way to make it depressing AF. I’d bring up how nice the weather was and Cancer was all like, ‘That’s global warming!’ Or I’d say how yummy lunch was and Cancer responded, ‘I can’t believe how many animals died for us.’ Debbie Downer much?!”

“We were all having the best time at trivia night when Leo suggested an answer that the rest of us agreed was wrong (it's the Heart of the Ocean necklace, not the Heart of the Sea, Leo). After that, Leo just totally shut down and became super passive-aggressive the rest of the night. It’s almost like they can only have fun when they’re in charge? And then after being all grumpy, Leo grabbed the mic from the trivia host and took over MC-ing the game. It was so dramatic and extra, but Leo loved the attention and pulled a 180—suddenly everything was great, so we didn’t mention anything.”

"We apparently didn't realize it, but decoration prep for the baby shower was not going to plan until Virgo arrived. Virgo showed up and put their touch on everything so seamlessly—a balloon here, a ribbon there. But also, like OK, I don’t wanna sound unappreciative because they really are a huge help, but eventually it was like, OK, Virgo get off my back? They were micromanaging me so much that it just became counterproductive. It seems like they only have fun when they're critiquing others, and I'm kinda like, Dude, I can handle putting candles in a cake!”

“Yes, Libra is amazing to hang around. They're cooperative, nice and fun and just like the most cooperative, and...Just...So...Cooperative.

. Getting in fights is one thing, but never having a single opinion is actually exhausting! Libra will literally never disagree with anything I say. If I said the sky was green, Libra would answer, 'Weird, I never noticed that.' And when I disagree with them, they bend like the wind and change their story. I want to shake Libra and just say, 'It’s OK!!! I will still like you even if we have different opinions!!! Get your own personality, Libra!'”

“I was hanging out with Scorpio the other day, and we got into some really deep, wonderful conversations. Or so I thought. I was sharing a lot of information about myself that I keep close to my heart—about my family and my history, and I didn’t think it was that personal of a question, but I asked, ‘So what about you?’ Welp, wish I never raised the question because immediately after, Scorpio just shut down and changed the subject as if I wasn't just spilling my guts! The moment you get close to really knowing Scorpio, they put up a gigantic roadblock.”

“Sagittarius is such a positive, encouraging force in my life. It seriously seems sometimes that Sag can take out all the bad thoughts from my brain and magically turn them into good thoughts. And yet, sometimes I get annoyed because some things are indeed bad, and I wish they would let me talk about it—like, no Sag, there is no bright side to the fact that my beloved goldfish died. Whenever I speak negatively about anything, they try to fix it with a positive take on it. It’s a great quality…until it just seems like you’re wearing rose-colored glasses everywhere.”

“So, Capricorn and I were on a hike, and they planned the excursion to a T. They really thought everything through—from the laces on our boots to the type of non-hydrogenated peanut butter in our sandwiches. There was a moment, though, where something didn’t go exactly as planned—aka I got hungry and wanted to eat my sandwich before we got to the summit—and Capricorn basically short-circuited. They were completely unable to adjust to any changes in the plans. I was like, 'Are you a robot? Do I need to reprogram you?' (They did not find it funny.) Needless to say, I waited to eat my sandwich.”

“Aquarius might be the dopest person I have ever met. They’re truly so naturally cool…but sometimes I wonder if they’re—OK, hear me out—an undercover spy or something? They're just so detached and unemotional. Remember how Aquarius was the only one not to cry during The Notebook? Like I could totally imagine Aquarius doing some crazy dangerous international secret agent moves on top of a moving train, literally kill a person and then show up to my dinner party the same night without saying a word. I know it's hyperbolic, but they're definitely holding something back. ”

“Pisces is such a good listener, who never judges me. But sometimes I feel like they’re actively trying to demonstrate just how good a friend they are—like, 'Look at me! I’m being such a good friend! I turned down a Tinder date to have a cry sesh with you. I gave up my weekend to help you move. I bought you dinner even though you offered to split the bill.' Sometimes it’s like…no one’s asking you to pay for dinner, you’re just insisting on it, and then making me feel bad about it. They love being the martyr.”