What to Text After a First Date to Secure a Second Date, According to a Relationship Expert

After hemming and hawing about where to go, what to wear and which questions to ask (and avoid), you’ve just had yourself a successful first date—kudos. But…now what? How do you express that you’re interested in a second date without going too fast, too furious (or playing it so cool that they think you’re uninterested)? I checked in with Laurel House, a relationship expert at eharmony, for her tips on what to text after a first date to secure a second date.

Laurel House is an eharmony relationship expert with decades of experiences in the dating scene. She helps daters of all ages from around the world find love and analyzes the results of consumer members surveys developed by eharmony to identify the latest dating trends and relationship sentiments.

First things first: Don’t play it coy and cool if you want to see them again. “If you want to increase your chance of getting that second date, let them know you’re interested,” House says. She recommends sending a text the morning after your first date. Here are a few ideas:

• “Thank you so much for dinner last night. It was fun learning about your trip to (xyz). I would love to keep getting to know each other!” House says, “In saying that ‘it was fun learning about,’ you are reminding them of a fun moment of conversation that you had. Saying ‘I would love to continue to get to know each other,’ you are letting them know that if they ask you out again, you will say yes.”
• Let’s say you were talking about interesting local activities or shared activity interests on your date; you can try something like, “You know how we were telling me about hiking that trail with the waterfall, do you want to be my hiking guide, maybe this weekend? I’ve always wanted to hike to a waterfall.”
• If you’re texting the next day but no one has made the move to set up the next date, when they ask you a longer question, respond by saying, “That’s a great question and I have so much that I want to tell you, but I think it’s a better conversation to have in person. What do you think about going out again?”

This is simple, per House: “Text the next day; dating is not about games.” She explains that a first date establishes the foundation for the rest of the relationship and should be an example of your expectations of how you want your potential partner to communicate. “From the very beginning, you want to establish the 3Cs: Communication creates Clarity creates Confidence.” By communicating how you feel from the beginning, you’re setting an example of how you want to be treated moving forward. She concludes, “There is no reason to make them wait around, this can cause unnecessary wonder, stress and insecurity.”

You’ve decided to go on a second date, and you’re excited. But when should said second date happen? This depends on your schedules and situations: House says any amount of time is fine, as long as it’s within ten days. “Any longer than ten days and you should have a video date to maintain the connection or you risk losing momentum and one of you forgetting what a great time you had together,” she notes. That being said, she stresses that if you’re both free the next day and you feel excited to see each other again, go out again. There’s one caveat beyond that second date in quick succession, though: “Just don’t go on a third back-to-back date,” House says. “It’s important to have a night or two away from each other to digest the feelings and thoughts from your time together, miss each other and feel excited to see each other again.”

“If you aren’t sure if there is something there but you want to give it another shot, send the same text that you would send if you were interested,” per House. “If you let on that you are not sure, you are instantly creating insecurity in them and they might act differently on the date trying to make you like them.” She says that if, after your third date, you’ve decided you aren’t interested in pursuing something, then you can text the next day saying, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you on our dates. You seem like a great person, but I just don’t feel like we are a romantic match.”

One of the problems with texting, House tells me, is that it’s too easy to text too frequently. “When you text too frequently with someone you don’t know, your messages can be misunderstood, or feel boring and needy,” she explains. “Any of these reasons could end the relationship before it has had the opportunity to begin.” Basically, don’t send six rapid fire messages back to back—you’re excited, sure, but you also don’t want to overwhelm this potential partner.