Pregnancy is nine (OK, ten) months of…, well, that kinda depends on what type of pregnant woman you are. Are you the preggo who’s savoring every moment of your growing womb, flashing sonogram pics at anyone who gives you the time of day or are you counting down the minutes until you can finally have your body back (psst, that’s not always the case). Not sure where you land? Here, 17 types of pregnant women, from the lady who gets miraculously hotter knocked up to the one who’s been dreaming of an epidural since her first morning vomit session.
The 17 Types of Pregnant Women You'll Spot in Every Gyno's Waiting Room
Oh, you’re delivering in a hospital? How cute.
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Published Apr 12, 2024
IMDB
IMDB
1. First-Time Preggo
She can cite every word Emily Oster has ever written verbatim, she’s printed and framed her pediatric CPR certification and she’s spent a stack on a lady from Yelp to baby-proof the house for her.
- Spotted in the wild: Getting the carseat installed at the fire station.
2. Treat Yourself Preggo
She's indulging in every craving, going on a babymoon (or two) and doing everything her OBGYN OK’ed at the med spa.
- Spotted in the wild: Prone, on a prenatal massage table, breathing in that eucalyptus steam.
3. French Preggo
She read the first half of Bringing Up Bebe and now has that je nes se quois attitude about pasteurized cheese.
- Spotted in the wild: Drinking wine and slurping down oysters past 10 p.m.
4. Hotter-When-She's-Pregnant Preggo
She studied at the Rihanna School of Bump Style and majored in this new thing called sexy belly fashion.
- Spotted in the wild: In the dressing room at Reformation trying on slinky non-maternity two piece sets.
5. The #BoyMom Trying for Girl
She wouldn’t trade anything for her #boymom status, but she will endure nine more months of extreme acid reflux and kankles for that other X chromosome. (Spoiler alert: It’s a boy.)
- Spotted in the wild: Dreamily scrolling the baby girl section at Monica & Andy.
6. Hates Kids Preggo
She doesn’t want to see your baby photos or hear about your kid’s—what’s his name? Damien?—Little League Championship. Kids just aren’t her thing. Oops.
- Spotted in the wild: In her therapist’s waiting room.
7. Competitive Preggo
She wants to know how big your baby is measuring—oh wait, never mind you're only 11 weeks along. And don’t worry, she’ll make damn sure she delivers in less time than you and already has her unborn baby on the waitlist for toddler piano lessons.
- Spotted in the wild: Preregistering for the “good” daycare.
8. Party Preggo
She's got three showers, a babymoon, a gender reveal and "one last girls' trip" planned. And that's all before the third trimester.
- Spotted in the wild: In small claims court after her confetti ruined the neighbor’s vegetable garden.
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9. Pregnant Forever Preggo
Didn’t she announce her pregnancy in 2022? How have you started a new job, moved apartments, gotten bangs and learned to crochet while she’s still not due for another four months?
- Spotted in the wild: Not in the maternity ward.
10. Acronym Preggo
She had been TTC for so long, so she’s thrilled she and DH now have an LO on the way! She just hopes BF comes naturally…otherwise her MIL will be pissed.
- Spotted in the wild: Reddit (IYKYK)
11. Get This Baby Out Preggo
Everything hurts, she hasn't slept since conception, she's been nauseous for nine months straight, every kick is like a jackhammer and when will this little punk get the f*ck out of her uterus?!
- Spotted in the wild: Eating habanero peppers while walking ten miles to her acupuncturist.
12. Give-Me-the-Epidural Preggo
She’s barely one centimeter dilated, the baby’s still high and her waters are very much intact. What she would give to be lying in a hospital bed, chomping ice and pressing the fentanyl pump every 20 minutes.
- Spotted in the wild: Being discharged for Braxton-Hicks.
13. Nesting Preggo
She peed on a stick a week ago and the nursery is already move-in ready. (She’s had her vision board hidden on Pinterest for the last five years).
- Spotted in the wild: Picking up Montessori bookshelves from Doreen on Facebook Marketplace.
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14. Breech Preggo
She’s approaching her due date and the baby is blissfully…head up. Never one to give up easily, she’s spending all her waking hours wiggling her hips and watching Spinning Babies videos to avoid a C-section.
- Spotted in the wild: Upside down on an ironing board burning moxibustion.
15. Home Birth Preggo
Why does this mama need medical intervention for an ancient and sacred ritual? She wants to be in her own peaceful surroundings…with her partner, midwife, two children under 4 and beloved golden retriever, lapping up water from the inflatable birthing tub.
- Spotted in the wild: Shopping dehydrators for her placenta.
16. Too Busy to Be Pregnant Preggo
Oh, this? Yeah, she’s almost 40 weeks, but she’s in meetings from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. and not slowing down. Her C-section is scheduled for a Monday, but she'll be back to work on Wednesday. Available on email in the interim. In case of emergency, she’ll be in room 304.
- Spotted in the wild: Laboring under her desk on the 41st floor…while on a conference call.
17. The Sneaky Preggo
Wait, did she ever even announce her pregnancy? You only found out she was pregnant after the fact…when she posted a pic of her new baby.
- Spotted in the wild: …where’d she go?
