40 Percent of Women Enjoy "Surfacing" During Sex, but What Is That, Exactly?

It was during the pandemic, so maybe you missed this crucial part of public discourse, however, anal play moved into the zeitgeist when actor Dakota Johnson suggested gifting butt plugs as a stocking stuffer. “I know that there are so many people that are curious about it and, you know, there are so many parts of one’s anus that are erogenous zones that I think could just be fun for people to explore,” she told InStyle magazine. The focus here is exploration and experimentation—i.e., there are more ways to enjoy butt stuff (brand Foria calls it “peach play”) than full-on penetration. A 2022 study  surveyed more than 3,017 women aged 18 to 93 who found pleasure in anal play that's more about touch than penetration. We talked to a sexual wellness professional to find out more.

Timothy Ferencz is a regional manager for JO, a manufacturer / retailer of sexual lubricants, serums and toy cleansers.

“There is no surprise people are coining terms for some long-standing practices when it comes to anal play,” Ferencz tells us. “As anal play becomes less and less taboo, more and more women experiment with anal play as they explore the boundaries of their own pleasure. ‘Surfacing’ references stimulation of the outside of the sphincter. The sphincter has a plethora of nerve endings— specifically, the pudendal nerve that branches to supply the external anal sphincter also branches to the dorsal nerve of the clitoris and the dorsal nerve of the penis. This nerve connection is why both men and women can experience pleasure from anal play. ‘Shallowing’ is penetrative anal play only one to two inches deep in the rectum. It can be pleasurable to many and a precursor to full anal sex.  Think of it as ‘try it, you may like it.’ Pairing, I am unfamiliar with.”

Ferencz has definitely noticed an uptick in folks talking about (and trying) anal play. He tells us that on top of her comments to InStyle, Dakota Johnson has partnered with the company Maude as co-creative director. “Gywneth Paltrow also promotes sex toys on her Goop website,” he notes, adding, “Many of the popular online retailers like Spectrum Boutique, Shop Enby or Wildflower Sex promote anal sex toys constantly on their social media feeds.”

Ferencz explains, “When exploring this kind of play, the term ‘less is more’ applies. Most people are frightened by the idea of anal sex. Just start slow, using a finger or tongue for beginners. Lube is a must, as it makes anal play smoother and lessens potential irritation. Flavored lubes can also enhance the experience making it more enjoyable for both parties. If you are looking to take the next step, a slim bullet or vibrator can up the ante. These toys can provide extra stimulation and pleasure with the added vibration. The slim diameter of the toy will help reduce discomfort for the novices. And, as mentioned, lube will enhance the experience.”

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