3 Things in Your Date’s Home That Could Be Major Red Flags, According to a Matchmaker

You’ve been dating someone for a while now, and though you’re not quite ready to move in, you spend a ton of time at each other’s houses. That’s well and good, but did you know there could be little details in their house that could be symptoms of bigger issues? “In the world of dating, it's often the little details that can reveal the most about a person,” says April Davis, the founder and president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking. “The things in your partner's home, for example, could be offering silent clues about the health of your relationship.” Below, Davis walks me through three such clues—and how to bring up the problems they may be concealing. (Of course, note that these objects aren't necessarily deal-breakers on their own; they just could signal issues that warrant a conversation.)

April Davis, the founder and president of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, a high-end matchmaking service. Davis set up her first successfully married couple when she was just 16 years old. Since then, she realized that she’s meant to help singles find The One. She established LUMA with the belief that everyone deserves to be in a healthy, loving and long-lasting relationship.

“While clutter alone doesn’t make or break a relationship, it could indicate that your partner struggles with emotional overwhelm or avoids dealing with personal issues,” Davis notes. “Neglecting their living space might be a sign that they’re willing to neglect other areas of their life.” Piles of paperwork, random objects, and general disarray all around your partner’s house might indicate an underlying lack of control over their life. Some people find it difficult to let go of things, while others may be so overwhelmed with stress and anxiety that they simply can’t prioritize organization.

I get it; he went on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Paris and wants to keep photos on his mantel as a reminder. The issue is, his ex is in the photos he’s chosen to display. Davis explains, “If your partner hasn’t taken steps to remove these images, it might signal unresolved feelings or emotional baggage. They may be clinging to memories, meaning they’ll struggle to fully commit to their relationship with you.” Keeping a few mementos from past relationships is normal, but displaying photo memories at home can indicate they haven’t fully moved on.

I love the occasional Thai food delivery as much as the next person, but as Davis points out, a drawer overflowing with takeout menus can indicate a lack of interest in domestic skills. She says, “It’s worth considering whether this reliance on takeout shows a lack of interest in domestic life. When setting up a home together, you want a partner who’ll see the responsibility to care for your home as a group effort. Over time, your partner’s reluctance to cook for themself might manifest into an unwillingness to help with any domestic chore.”

Per Davis, it’s important to broach the subject with compassion rather than accusation, which could cause them to get defensive right off the bat. She explains, “Start by expressing your observations in a non-confrontational way. Use ‘I’ statements, such as ‘I noticed you still have pictures of your ex?’ This approach allows your partner to open up without feeling attacked.”

If you’re talking about extreme clutter or every night takeout food, she adds, frame the conversation as a discussion about their lifestyle and well-being. “Offering to help or suggesting positive changes can lead to a healthy discussion rather than an argument,” Davis says. The key is to create space for an honest conversation rather than assuming the worst.