My Boyfriend Moved His Xbox into My Apartment, and I Have Mixed Feelings

There’s an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie secretly moves her things into Big’s apartment. He responds by packing it all up and making her take it with her. In the end, Carries doesn’t care because Big still had “a piece of her” at his place: a photo, to be exact.

Well, with my boyfriend, the roles are reversed: my apartment is our central hub. But I’m not as savage as Big (I’m not gonna pack up all his stuff and give it back to him—that’s kind of mean), and I don’t have a cutesy photo of my boyfriend and me lying around (maybe I am savage). However, I have collected a few of my boyfriend's things over the past year.

It started with a pair of slippers. My boyfriend likes the idea of me leaving them out as opposed to “hiding him.” Then, it was contacts and solution. Next, it was underwear, a tank top and socks. Needless to say, it was starting to add up, so I did the girlfriend thing: I gave him a drawer and some real estate in my medicine cabinet. I thought that would settle things—at least for a while—but then my worst fear appeared: an Xbox.

I’d be gone for two weeks, and instead of returning to my apartment to an overjoyed boyfriend holding a bouquet of lilies, he was holding his Xbox controller…and I still don’t know how I feel about it. Is this a step in the right direction? A step backward? Or is this all just one big game? But hey, don't hate the player, hate the game.

If you live on TikTok or Instagram, you’ve probably seen a video or ten about men and their gaming consoles. Usually, it starts with a woman trying to get her boyfriend’s attention in unconventional ways because he’s that engrossed in the game. And these women entice their guys to stop playing with everything from a shopping spree to butt play, which is so crazy to me. No one should have to beg their boyfriend to pay attention to them, IMO.

I began dreading sharing his attention. He played for hours that first day—like, I went to brunch with my friend, came back and he was still on the game. He said he was going to cook dinner, and suddenly it was 9 p.m., and no ingredients had even been taken out of the refrigerator. I went to sleep, woke up in the middle of the night, and was stunned to see him (someone who usually goes to bed early) wide awake, on the phone with his friends, still playing the game. It was early days with our new roommate, so despite being horny and hungry, I let it slide.

It wasn’t until the next couple of weeks that I realized how much our dynamic had shifted. Some days, I felt like we didn’t even talk because I would be asleep by the time he finished playing. I found myself irritated that he was prioritizing his game instead of us. But, on the other hand, I also felt relieved to have the space to do all the things he hated while still having him around—watching romantic movies, putting Vick’s all over my body, turning the AC on when it’s 20 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I also liked that he felt comfortable in my home. Basically, things were complicated with me, my boyfriend and the Xbox. How long could we go on like this?

About a month later, my boyfriend asked me how I felt about the Xbox. I told him the truth. That I had mixed feelings—I missed his undivided attention, but I also liked having space to do my own thing during the week since he comes over almost every day.

Well, he heard the second part of my response and ran with it. The Xbox has stayed, and I’m finding myself weirdly content with it. Some days, I still go to bed starving because he chooses to play the game instead of cooking, but at least I can slather Vick’s on my forehead in peace. He also takes his gaming system home when I go out of town/have plans, so I do get a break from my frenemy, but of course, it never lasts long.

So, I’ve come to terms with the fact that me and my boyfriend’s Xbox are in a love-hate relationship. While I’ll probably never understand how he can sit there and play all night like my 21-year-old brother, I’d rather he sticks to playing actual games than playing with me. I guess the saying, “don’t hate the player, hate the game,” is true.