My Best Friend Is Pregnant, and I Think She's Making a *Huge* Mistake

When my best friend, Monica (32), told me over the phone that she was pregnant and going to have the baby, I was shocked. Talking your best friend out of getting bangs is one thing. Talking her out of a major life decision? That’s a whole other bag of pregnancy tests. I spent days debating whether I should tell her that I think she’s making a mistake. I had to, right? But when we finally got together in person, I couldn’t find the right words. Instead, I sat there quietly listening, knowing in my heart what a hard road she had in front of her.

Here’s the thing: the baby daddy is not great baby daddy material. There’s the cliche stuff, like how he hasn’t had a job since they’ve been dating (for two years now). There’s also his history of breaking up with her every few months (toxic behavior). But my main concern is that just a week before she dropped the news to me, things escalated between the baby daddy and her family. The family expressed their disdain for him and he threatened them in return. The result? More reason—in her mind, at least—to keep the pregnancy a secret from her family.

The protective friend in me wanted to scream, “This is *not* how you want to bring a kid into the world! Do you really want to be tied to this joke of a man for the rest of your life?” She’s going to end up taking care of him and their baby while he isolates her from concerned family and friends. Why she would sign up for that?

But I kept my mouth shut. It didn’t feel right telling her how I really felt—we were talking about her potential future child, after all. I also knew that even though she was pushing four months pregnant, she hadn’t told her family, and I didn’t want her to feel alone. Basically, I was spiraling, and I wasn’t even the one pregnant! So, it just made sense to talk it out with an expert who specializes in this kind of stuff.

• Dr. Supatra Tovar is a clinical psychologist, registered dietitian and founder of ANEW (Advanced Nutrition and Emotional Wellness), a program that helps clients achieve their physical and mental health and relationship goals using a system of unique techniques. She also holds a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology and dual master’s degrees (including a Master of Science in Nutrition).

Going into my session with Dr. Tovar, I had four questions:

1. What is my role as a friend in this situation?
2. What can I do to support my friend without putting her in danger?
3. Should I tell her family what’s going on?
4. How do I go about dealing with her co-parent (who has also spewed lies about me to further his agenda)?

As expected, she told me that as a friend, my role is to be a source of understanding and support. “It's clear that you're deeply concerned for your friend’s well-being, and that’s coming from a place of love. However, your friend needs to feel safe confiding in you, which means creating a nonjudgmental space where she can process her feelings and decisions. While you may disagree with her choices, it’s important to prioritize your relationship with her so she doesn’t feel isolated—especially when facing an already stressful situation,” she pleaded.

When it came to what I could do to support my bestie without putting her in danger, she provided four actionable ways that I could go about it, including being a trusted ally, encouraging her to get professional support, offering practical assistance (like helping her plan for her future) and monitoring warning signs (if her boyfriend becomes aggressive or gets physical). Dr. Tovar also told me that I should stay in my lane, as tempting as it may be to involve her family.

“Sharing her pregnancy or personal concerns without her consent could damage her trust in you and make her feel even more isolated,” she explained. “However, you can encourage her to consider involving her family, especially if she’s already worried about their reaction.” And that’s exactly what I planned on doing, but there was one thing I was still worried about: How to deal with her co-parent. Because if I’m being totally honest, he may be one of the only people on this earth that I can’t stand being around for longer than 30 minutes (and that’s if we even make it that long without him saying something abrasive).

Thankfully, Dr. Tovar gave me tips on how to manage the dynamic. “Keep it neutral,” she began. “Avoid escalating tension or expressing overt disapproval, as this could put your friend in a difficult position.” She also encouraged me to set boundaries, stay focused on my friend and be a role model for her.

While all of the above sounds easy enough, I know it's not going to be. What I do know, though, is that the next time she calls to vent, I'm going to encourage her to tell her family and assure her that whatever happens, I’m here for her and she’s not alone. As for her future baby daddy? I’ll be keeping my distance until further notice, and if we’re ever in the same room (I really hope not), I’ll try my best to be cordial no matter how hard it is. So, may the Best Auntie award go to me.