3 Ways to Deal When You're Married to a Gemini

Routine is not the Gemini’s friend. This is all fun and games when you’re two singles living la vida food truck. But when you try to cement, say, a baby’s bedtime ritual with a man-child who’s always on the go, you might find yourself going it alone more than you’d like. So what’s a Wendy, wed to someone whose M.O. is “I won’t grow up,” to do? Therapist Zach Rawlings offers practical advice, ranging from, “Be specific and factual when confronting upsetting behavior” (i.e., not emotional) to “practice active ignoring” (i.e., refuse to acknowledge his overly narcissistic or irresponsible musings, in an effort to extinguish them). But above all: “Remember that his growth and maturity is not your responsibility. Know your limits and how far you are willing to go.”

One day he’s starting a band with his buddies; the next he’s spent thousands on a mountain bike. You love that your husband is passionate. But practical? Yeah, that’s not really his thing. Hobby-hopping is all good; after all, his creativity is part of what drew you to him in the first place. Just be on the lookout for signs of commitment-phobia where it counts. If your S.O. has trouble confirming even important plans until the last possible minute (RSVP late to weddings much?), perpetually puts his own needs first or pulls away every time you get closer, then it’s vital you prioritize your own life. This has two benefits: self-preservation and attracting your Gemini like a moth to a hard-to-get flame. Never change to accommodate a commitment-phobe, per U.K. relationship expert Tracey Cox: “They either want you, or they don’t.” She advises taking it slow and repeatedly reassuring your anxious partner that while nothing in life is guaranteed, you are committed to making your relationship work.

“Part of the fun (and curse) of Gemini people is that you’re never quite sure which personality you’re going to experience,” according to the Astro Twins. “Will it be the vivacious, pun-dishing jokester, or the snarky, mean-spirited critic?” Here’s the thing: It’s really not you. It really is him. Judgmental adults are actually just wounded children walking around in button-downs or yoga pants. Try looking for that hurt little kid inside your spouse the next time (s)he gets snarky. Blogger Neha Mandhani offers further advice for how not to take in other people’s judgment: set boundaries, share only what feels safe in the moment and get curious—and compassionate—about what’s driving their negativity. “When people are critical and judgmental, it’s often more about them than us,” she writes. “Still, this gives us an opportunity to learn about ourselves, take good care of ourselves, and practice responding wisely.”