1. Resentment: Feeling Unappreciated or Unsupported
Letting resentment simmer without talking about its source is a big indicator that you may be falling out of love. (It’s also a great way to destroy relationships from within.) Resentment is also classified as bitterness and it often develops when one partner feels underappreciated or unsupported.
“Resentment may start out slowly,” says Arzt. “But over time, it can transform into resenting everything from the dishes, to the sound of their voice, to their haircut. At this point, you're not able to see your partner's attributes.”
Feeling resentful doesn’t automatically mean you’ve fallen out of love, but it can definitely set you on that path if you don’t deal with it.
2. Indifference: Lack of Interest in Your Partner
Love is a strong emotion, as is hate. Indifference, though, is the complete absence of feeling. If you find yourself totally disinterested in what your partner thinks, feels, says or does, it’s likely that loving feeling is gone. Arzt adds people who “only do the bare minimum” may be falling out of love.
“They may oblige with date night, but they feel restless and bored,” she says. “You may spend time with [your] partner, but you keep conversations light and on the surface level.”
Indifference may also look like actively deciding not to ask your partner questions. If you couldn’t care less about a project of theirs or don’t want to hear about their thoughts on a topic, it could mean you’re falling out of love.
3. No Desire for Time Together: Preferring Time Apart
Now, if you’ve been living in close quarters with your partner for a while, you may be desperate to spend time away from them. That’s normal. We. Get. It. But, if you genuinely have no desire to even be in the same room as them, it could be a sign of a larger problem.
Arzt says folks who would rather spend all of their free time with other friends—or literally anyone else—may be falling out of love. “It's really important to acknowledge this phenomenon internally if this is happening to you,” she says. “Acknowledgment doesn't mean you're doomed- it means you're recognizing that you're going through something.”
4. Emotional Connections Elsewhere: Sharing Feelings with Others
Honest emotional connection and communication is fundamental to being in and maintaining a loving relationship. When you begin turning to friends, co-workers or family members with your feelings before confiding in your partner, it could be a sign that you no longer love that person. (It can also be a symptom of distrust, which is a completely different issue.)
Unloading emotions on someone outside the relationship can be incredibly tempting, especially during a difficult time. “Someone at work who is sympathetic and doesn’t make demands can be very appealing,” says Tessina.
But it’s unfair to your partner because it doesn’t give them a chance to know you better. Self-disclosure is essential to healthy, intimate relationships; confiding in someone else means you’d rather not open yourself up to your partner.
5. Badmouthing: Criticizing Your Partner to Others
Lightheartedly complaining about your partner’s annoying habits to friends is not an indicator that your marriage is over. Everyone needs to vent now and then. However, when small quips turn into long discussions about your dissatisfaction with the relationship, it veers into problematic territory. These issues should be brought up with your partner directly.
6. Lack of Intimacy: No Desire for Physical Closeness
Sexual relationships are full of peaks and valleys. Medication, trauma and stress can dramatically affect your libido. However, if you find yourself completely unattracted to your partner sexually, you may be falling out of love. You could also just be going through a dry spell.
Sometimes, couples get so comfortable with one another, they become more like roommates than romantic partners. Intimacy can always be sparked again, but if you have no desire to reignite the flame, it’s worth considering the future of the relationship.
7. No Future Plans: Not Envisioning a Future Together
Speaking of the future, if you have zero interest in thinking of something fun or exciting to do with your partner next week or next year, your love could be dissolving. Planning for the future together can help build trust, providing a sense of support and security, and ultimately increasing levels of intimacy, experts say.
8. Overly Critical: Focusing on Flaws
You used to find the way they chew their food and the wiggle in their nose so endearing. Now, those idiosyncratic habits are annoying, and you find yourself constantly pointing them out, in addition to all of their other flaws. When you’ve reached the point in your relationship where you find it hard to empathize, accommodate or be a bit more understanding of your partner, it may be time to bow out of the relationship.
9. Defensiveness: Unwilling to Listen to Concerns
Conversely, if you find that you’re not willing to listen to your partner’s concerns and grievances, you may be falling out of love. When you were in the throes of the relationship, there was nothing you wouldn’t do to ensure that their needs were met. Being too defensive and dismissive may be a sign that you simply don’t care as much.
