10 Things You Never Do When You're on Your Second Child

You've figured out that Motrin and Tylenol are probably going to be better friends to you than your pediatrician after you’ve called 17 times that month. As a mom of three kids under age five told us recently, “I never called the pediatrician when my second kid ate dirt. When my third did it, I was just thrilled I didn’t have to make lunch.”

She’s 2. And she’ll stay 2 until she turns 3. What day is it again?

Regular hand washing? Sure. Taking shoes off around an infant? Go for it. But if your older kid has a birthday party to attend (cake!) or you’re desperate for a grande latte, you’re busting out of your isolation chamber and Bjorn-ing that newborn on the bus.

Once a day (OK fine, every other day) in warm soapy water seems to be the most you can manage. And that’s OK! It’s not like the clear plastic tubes are incubating Sophie the Giraffe levels of mold, right? Right?

We invoke the five-second rule. Those smug scientists probably showered this week, too.

Ah, the blissful innocence of the first-time mom…who does not yet realize that that precious $185 Bonpoint pinafore is about to be barfed on. If your second kid leaves the house with more than one mitten, you should be given an award.

Two different weekly jam sessions, developmental movement, art and yoga—all before six months! That guy is not doing happy baby pose; he’s trying to eat his foot.

Just throw a pull-up in your purse and pray.

We know someone—let’s call her a “friend”—who was so terrified of choking hazards, she blended her first kid’s solids (we’re talking burgers, people) until his first birthday. By now you've read that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends small chunks of actual food by six months—and this time you actually believe it.

We’ve seen former co-sleepers become militant Ferberizers by the time number two is ready for sleep training, because they know in their (tired, tired) bones that a rested mom is a better mom—to everyone.