The Terrifying & Electrifying ‘White Lotus’ Finale Gave Us Everything We Needed—with One Exception

So many crucial storylines came to a satisfying conclusion. Lucia (Simona Tabasco) and Mia (Beatrice Granno) walk away having drastically improved their places in life (not to mention, they didn’t end up as the dead bodies). Lucia now has a bank account containing 50,000 Euros, potentially helping her to achieve her dream of opening up her own shop or, at the very least, helping her to live a much more comfortable life. Mia is now a full-time piano player at The White Lotus, and we couldn’t be happier for her. (Sorry, no sympathy here for the gross former piano player.)

Daphne (Meghann Fahy), Cameron (Theo James), Harper (Aubrey Plaza) and Ethan (Will Sharpe) seem stronger in their relationships than ever, even if it took Daphne and Ethan sneaking off together—a truly satisfying moment of the finale that leveled the playing field after whatever happened between Harper and Cam.

Albie (Adam DiMarco) seems fine after the con we all saw coming was finally revealed. And he even generously helps his dad reconnect with his mom (it only cost the dad 50,000 Euros…).

Portia (Haley Lu Richardson) didn’t die! And, honestly, given the fact that she’d essentially been kidnapped for two episodes, we’ll call that a giant win. Not to mention, she no longer has to worry about her overbearing boss.

And, obviously, we were given an Emmy-worthy performance from Jennifer Coolidge as Tanya. In our wildest dreams, we never guessed Tanya would save herself by killing not one, not two, but three of the bad guys (though we did predict that gun would come into play) only to accidentally strike the side of a boat and fall into the water. Exit Tanya. Are we heartbroken to see her go? Of course. But what a way to go. When she asks a blood-spitting Quentin (Tom Hollander) if Greg is cheating on her? How is this what is on her mind in this moment?! Just. So. Good. And her final line…“You got this…” No, Tanya, you don’t. But we love you all the more for it.

With so many of the loose ends tied up in such a perfect White Lotus-y way, what more could we want? Well, we have one small bone to pick, Mike White: Does Greg (Jon Gries) get his comeuppance? He scammed Tanya and tried to have his platonic cowboy love kill her for her fortune. Do the police put the pieces together when they find all the bodies on the yacht? It certainly doesn’t seem like Portia is going to get involved with the investigation given her “get-me-the-hell-out-of-Sicily” presence at the airport. But we can’t possibly be expected to believe that Tanya’s death means Greg gets all of her money now, can we?

We suppose we’ll never truly find out (unless White gives us the answer in a post-show interview [prayer-hands emoji]). But given all the wonderful ways the season concluded, we’re going to choose to believe this one loose end wrapped in an equally gratifying manner: with the police connecting Quentin to Greg, perhaps with Portia’s assistance, landing his ass in jail for the rest of his Vespa-driving life.

Now, how many days ‘til White Lotus season three gets here?