A great example of “hair theory” is Andie Anderson (played by Kate Hudson) in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. In the beginning of the movie, her goal is to simply get Benjamin Barry to break up with her for a story, and if you look closely, her hair is straightened and blown out. But by the middle of the movie, her feelings (and her hair) start to change. As her attachment to him grows, her natural wavy hair comes into its own, and works a visual indicator of their relationship shifting into something more authentic.
Rom-coms aside, does hair theory translate to real life? According to Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, licensed marriage therapist and chief sexologist at SXWA, the theory isn’t totally bogus. “As a relationship expert, I believe that hair theory highlights the connection between our emotional states and self-presentation, particularly in the context of love. The way we choose to style our hair can indeed reflect how we feel about ourselves and our relationships,” she says. “When individuals feel secure and accepted by their partners, they are more likely to embrace their natural appearance, signaling comfort and authenticity. This theory underscores an important aspect of relationships: the notion that love can foster a sense of ease and confidence, allowing individuals to present their true selves without the pressure to conform to external beauty standards.”
PureWow resident dating editor, Sydney Meister, expands on the idea that when we feel comfortable with our natural hair, it’s a way of showing our partners, ‘Hey, I get to be authentically myself.’ Meister continues: “It’s not because your beloved is keeping a Pinterest board of ‘ideal partner hairstyles’ (if he is, weird?). It’s because attraction isn’t just about looks; it’s about energy. When you feel good, you carry yourself differently—you’re more present, more confident, more comfortable in your own skin. People pick up on that. A fresh cut or color isn’t just a beauty choice, it’s a switch in how you show up. And in relationships, perception shifts—even subtle ones—can change everything about chemistry, dynamics and even power.”
But theory holds that your hair can also tell the falling out of love story, something Meister experienced firsthand: “Brunette is my natural color—the one I was born with, and the one that feels the most like me. But I went blonde(ish) in my last relationship, back when I was leaning into something a little softer—more palatable. At the time, it didn’t feel intentional, but looking back, the shift makes sense,” she shares. “When I recently went back to brunette, it wasn’t just about hair—it was about literally returning to my roots. Leaving the salon felt like shedding a version of me I had subtly curated to fit into something (or someone) else. If hair theory is about a perception shift, mine felt loud and clear: blonde is fun, but brunette is home.”
At the end of the day, no theory or trend should dictate the state of your relationship. However, just like any other decisions you make about your physical appearance, it’s an expression of yourself. It’s just about who’s paying attention.
